Most people have at one time or another been faced with the
awkward situation of dealing with someone that likes them a lot
more than they like the other person. Here are some suggestions on
how to deal with the situation, hopefully, without hurting their
feelings. Your objective is to minimize your intersction with the
target person with as much graciousness and tact as you can
afford.
Steps
- Ask yourself whether or not you may have overlooked some
quality or trait in the person that you may admire or be interested
in. We can often dismiss someone before we have really given them a
fair chance, and it would be a loss if that were the case. All of
us make mistakes and perhaps you may be able to find some common
ground with them. But even so, you may decide not, or that you just
don't have the time to cultivate a new friendship right now.
- Do not feel guilty that you don't share the same feelings as
the other person. We don't click the same with some people as we do
with others, and before you can properly handle the situation it is
imperative that you realize that it is Ok that you don't like them.
It does not make you a bad person, and it doesn't necessarily mean
you think they are a bad person either.
- Be very subtle at first; this works more often than not. If
someone wants to get together with you, to spend time with you, or
to hang out together, merely tell them that you are not available.
If this is done every time they ask you, most people will get the
hint and move on. This extends to phone calls as well. If this
person calls you, be polite, but keep it short. Don't volunteer
very much information about what you are up to, or what it going
on, just tell them that you are very busy right now, or in the
middle of something, and that you would like to talk with them at
another time. You don't have to lie to them and tell them you will
call them back later or the next day, if you don't intend to do
so.
- Avoid situations where you know you will have to spend time
with this person. If you do find yourself in such a situation, try
to excuse yourself and go to another group of people, or try to
bring another person into the situation to deflect from your
discomfort.
- Tell your target that although you think he or she is a nice
person, you really don't feel that you have a lot in common, and
you don't want to waste his or her time. This isn't being hurtful,
it's being honest. It's only after you have tried to give this
person the hint and they haven't taken it, or have ignored it
altogether, that this step applies. Ultimately this type of thing
is somewhat harsh, and bruises people's egos. This will possibly
have the opposite effect of having your target end up disliking
you, but it is important to communicate how you feel if all other
methods haven't worked.
- Communicate what is going on with others around you if your
conversation still doesn't get the job done. Gather the sympathies
and collective thoughts from those that are close to you and
develope a strategy for dealing with the person. Most likely you
have someone in common with this person who can help intercede on
your behalf. Even though most people don't always act with the best
intentions and thought, most of us want to do so, and it may take
more than yourself to make these things happpen. With any luck,
your person will move along to someone else who can provide them
with the friendship that they need and desire.
Tips
- Treat people with the same respect that you would want not just
for you
