Take your time, there is plenty of it as far as good
relationships are concerned!
Steps
- Begin by simply being friends with the person you are seeking a
relationship with. This stage is vital as it allows you to learn
more about your partner, as well as confirm/deny your feelings
towards a relationship with them.
- Going off the basis that a good long term relationship is based
around love, we can look into how love is defined. Dr. Sternberg (a
psychologist who studied love) put forth an article speaking of the
different aspects of love. In short, there are three vital
components that make up true love (or consummate love). These
components are Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. The intimacy
portion of love is that of friends; You enjoy spending time
together, and have grown rather close strictly within the realms of
"personality attraction." The passion aspect can attribute to many
relationship losses. Although physical attraction is necessary in a
relationship, this feeling does not need to be acted upon without
full fulfillment of the intimacy aspect. If you rush head-first
into passion without considering the needs of a very close friend,
somebody is going to end up hurt. The final, and equally important,
aspect is that of Commitment. There are two forms of commitment,
short-term and long-term. Short-term commitment is the thought of
simply saying "I am willing to love this person" this may not
involve a necessary long term commitment, but it is the initial
choice that one makes before entering the relationship. The
long-term aspect (and the one we're discussing) is the choice to
remain with said person for an extended portion of time. When all
three aspects are fulfilled, consummate love is attained.
- Now that you fully understand what love is, you can make your
own assumptions as to what you need to do. While every aspect does
not need to be instantly attained (IE. some portions may come later
in the relationship) usually all need to be present in order to
maintain a healthy long term relationship.
Tips
- Communication can be the key. Although early on there may be
nervous apprehension, this is all part of the game. In time though,
you may need to be fully frank with someone and let them know how
you feel.
- Remember to TAKE IT SLOW! A long-term relationship is something
to work towards, it is not just given to you. Just make sure that
neither you, nor your partner is uncomfortable with any aspect of
the relationship you are in and you'll be fine.
