Starting intimate relationships with a person you like is a
serious choice. However the first step may leave some room for
thinking over. The decision you make about your first time can have
a crucial effect not only on your relationships but on your whole
future life, leaving either sad or pleasant emotions.
Steps
- Define the stage of your relationship with your partner. Do you
know this person well enough? Are you open with each other? First
time sex may turn out to be not so smooth and pleasant. The person
with whom you are going to have first time sex will leave
memories which are not likely to fade. Is this a
person you'll want to forget or will this interlude
recall pleasant emotions later ?
- Put your values in order. Ask yourself what pushes you to have
sex with this person: curiosity, desire or wish to prove to
everyone you are mature enough. The consequences of your first
sexual experience will most probably reflect those reasons. Thus,
if you want to look mature in the eyes of your peers, you probably
will, although you might not feel any change in yourself.
- Discuss sex-related topics. This may seem intimidating at
first, but is very helpful in getting to know the other person
better. Besides it may give you some idea on what to expect from
your first sexual experience. Talk about sex related topics so sex
will be a comfortable topic between you and your partner.
- Imagine the whole process. Once you had your imaginary first
time experience scrolled in your head, you will realize it is not
so scary and you have plenty time at your disposal to make it just
great.
- Ask yourself again and again if you're ready, and remember that
you can stop anytime you feel uncomfortable with your partner.
Tips
- Some people feel conflicted about having sex before marriage.
If your beliefs tell you to avoid sexual activity, consider the
decision carefully.
- Remember that sex can strengthen a relationship, but it won't
bring two strangers closer. Sexual satisfaction is not all about
techniques and experience. Focus on finding a careful partner who
respects your feelings rather than on having a perfect
performance.
- Losing virginity shouldn't be a goal in itself, but rather a
part of a good and satisfying relationship.
- Don't think of your first time sex as an exam you have to pass.
This will increase tension and uneasiness. Keep in mind that in
case something goes wrong, you can always put off sex and simply be
affectionate to each other.
- If you are worried about "getting caught" you are almost
certainly too young. The most difficult time to have sex you won't
regret later is the time when you aren't mature enough to make the
decision.
- If you're not old enough but your partner is, in the US
it is legally considered "statutory rape" which in many places
carries the same penalty as any other form of rape. This applies
regardless of which one is over the age of consent and which one is
under. However, it is generally a lot harder to discover and unless
someone (such as a parent) finds out, any charges or attempt at
charges are rare
- Get familiar with information about STDs (sexually transmitted
diseases) and pregnancy. Having good sexual relationships is
secondary to having good sexual health. Thus take responsibility
for your own health and have contraceptives (i.e. condom)
handy.
- If you're this worried and confused, DON'T DO IT!
Warnings
- Having sex can result in pregnancy. Be sure to practice safe
sex and use contraception to prevent this.
- Don't make use of alcohol or drugs to reduce fear or anxiety.
Being under the influence could cloud your perceptions as well as
your judgment.
- Do not have sex if you may not legally give consent to your
partner. The legal ages vary across jurisdictions, so make sure
you're not violating local ones - this will get the person in
trouble.
- Be careful with your decision when you're very young,
especially if you are a teenager. Many young people who simply jump
into a sexual relationship wind up having their feelings deeply
hurt.
