There is so much more involved in keeping romance alive than
just candles, bubble baths, and foot massages. You each have to
work at it in order to maintain and enjoy romance in your life.
Here is how to feed the romantic fires in your relationship in a
deep and meaningful way.
Steps
- Tell the truth. Truth is the ultimate
aphrodisiac and a great way to create connection with your partner.
For example, you might say "I feel safe when I am with you" or
"Sometimes I feel scared that we get so busy with other things that
we forget about creating close moments together, but I really want
to be close with you." Just share your true feelings and speak from
your experience. If you are concealing in your relationship, you
will not feel connected, so consider making truth an ongoing
priority in your life.
- Appreciate yourself and your partner.
Appreciation means "to grow in value, or to be sensitively aware
of." Take time to understand just what it is that you like about
yourself, and your partner. Saying for example, "I am doing a good
job as a parent by taking time to hug the kids in the morning
before they go off to school." or "I really appreciate how
dedicated you are to your job." Successful relationships have a 5
to 1 ratio of appreciations to criticisms, so if you really want to
heat up your relationship, start appreciating!
- Listen. All humans crave being seen and heard.
Being with your partner, and really listening to them can be
magical for you both. Often, we want to fix their problems, but it
is much more powerful to listen. Saying, "Wow, I can understand you
are frustrated." or "That must have been hard on you." Let your
partner know you're hearing them.
- Create romance within yourself first. We often
try to "get" our partners to be more romantic by believing we need
to change them in order to have what we want. The truth is that you
are much more likely to have what you want when 'you' show up in
that way. For example, create your own romantic mood--dress, put on
music, prepare sensuous foods, take some time to love and
appreciate yourself. It will not take long for your partner to join
in the fun!
- Ask for what you want. Let your partner know
that you are deeply interested in spending some romantic time with
them (You would be surprised at how often they are unaware of
this.) Whining, demanding, and manipulating are contrary to
creating romance, so do your best to ask using kind and loving
words.
- Bring play back into your relationship. Levity
is a sexy thing. If you are stuck in thoughts of how much housework
you have to do, or that you might wake the kids, more than likely
you will not feel romantic. Laugh about the ways that you take your
self out of a romantic mood, and soon, you will be back in it.
- Speak your partner's love language. We often
become confused and disappointed by expecting the other person to
do such and such romantic things. Do to your partner the things
they like as well as you telling them what 'you' like, want, and
expect. When you fulfill their needs and desires, you will end up
receiving the same in return!
- Accept each other unconditionally, respect each others wishes
and dislikes. Keep the mystery and fascination to each other. Love
each moment as if it is the last.
Tips
- Communicate with your partner about what each of you wants in
the area of romance, without making the other person feel wrong for
their desires. One may want less romance, the other may want more,
however by communicating, each can have what they want, it just may
not look the way you think it is supposed to. For example, how
could you create a romantic evening just for yourself? (This is
a
