What are typical stepfamily issues I might face?
When you are in a step family what you really need to know is that first of all you are going to start off with these hopes and expectations that this family is going to be different and those are quickly going to get dashed because of the disappointments that are going to come and if you know what the disappoints are going to be you can weather the storm. The disappointments are going to be that everybody doesn't love each other instantly, that there is going to be friction in your family, that your kids are, pretty much even I don't care how good the children are, this doesn't mean bad kids, they are going to try and split you up. They are going to play mom against dad they are going to split up any new couple for a long time. So be aware of that and then you and your new partner can develop a parenting coalition or a parenting support team in your home that can help weather that storm because you know the storm is coming. It will come. Also it would help you to know that you are going to go through a period where you really immersed in rocky waters and you are going to feel that you can't get out. And this is a time to either go for some counseling for the two of you or to just know that you are in the storm. Again the kids are going to act out, more than likely. It is rare that it doesn't happen. I think it also helps to realize that you are going to feel, if you are the biological parent, that you are going to feel so caught in the middle so many times between wanting to please your spouse and please your kids and that is going to be a really hard place to be. You also need to know that your new partner is often going to feel left out completely. That they don't belong and that they don't fit in. So when you know these things you can be empathic with yourself you can be empathic with your partner and you can talk about it as a couple and that helps.
