How do I communicate with a child in order to solve behavior problems?
What you want to accomplish is participation with the child in solving the problem. Not you “up here” telling the child what to do or how to think and act. And not giving the child the power position either, that's not going to work. So instead, in the breakthrough you will share the power. You will say, “I want to know what you know about why you got a ‘D' on your report card.” Now that's the beginning of solving problems isn't it? When there's a problem, what makes it a problem? I want to hear what you know. So then we're going to figure out a solution to the problem. So you're using participation, and when you get to making a plan, you want a commitment from the child to follow through. Great, we have a plan. Now do it, and then you evaluate, and you follow up. So you make an agreement with the child that when the child goes to school they're not going to be having fist fights, they're not going to be talking out of turn or whatever the issue is. And we call that the “principle of participation” to get a commitment so that there's an agreement.
