What can my spouse and I do if we have trouble dealing with emotional issues?
I hear so many couples complain when one partner tends to be rational and the other tends to be emotional. The emotional partner says, "Whenever I get emotional, my partner just gets up and walks out of the room. Not only does that make me more emotional, but I also feel abandoned, which adds to the problems." If you are the emotional partner, and you are watching your partner walk out of the room, here are some things you need to do. If you cannot calm your emotions, chances are that it's not a good time to talk to your partner, because they're not going to be able to hear you. In more rational times, you need to be able to sit down with your partner and work out a plan of action so when you are upset and need to express yourself, there's a way to do it that your partner can sit and tolerate and listen. Each of you need to work through that by talking about what it feels like on each end. When a partner gets up and walks out of the room, what you are experiencing is fear walking. They are scared. They're not going to tell you they're scared, but they are scared. There is a conditioned response from childhood that when they see emotion, they shut down - they can't handle it, and it's flight. They need to escape. So if you are the emotional partner, you need to understand that is fear. With fear in place, chances are your partner is not going to be a good person to talk to in this moment. You need to cool down, your partner needs to melt a little bit, and then you can meet in the middle.
