How can I tell someone they have a problem with their anger?
It's very challenging to tell someone that they have a problem with anger because often what they will do is defend themselves. And often with people who have an anger management problem, they're also in denial of their anger. And, you know, you'll hear them say things like, "I don't have an anger management problem, you do. And if you have a problem with that, well, then you deal with it!" And often what'll happen is people who are in relationships with people who do have an anger management problem, they will call us and they'll ask us to send them a brochure with our courses. And then, of course, we send them a brochure, and usually they'll give that brochure to their son or their daughter, to a husband or wife, or one of their employees as a way of kind of gently breaking the news. But you can never gently break the news, because people who do have anger management problems and who are in denial will tend to become defensive. So I always encourage individuals who are in relationships with people with anger management problems is not to come across as blaming or shaming, not to come across as critical or criticizing, but to actually talk about what actually happens to them when they are faced with somebody else's anger. And I'd like to give an example of that. So instead of me saying to you, "You're always angry," or "You're never relaxed," or "Why don't you sort your anger out?," it's much healthier if I say to you, "I feel very scared when you express your anger. You might not think you have an anger management problem, but my experience with you is that you do have, because when you are angry, I become frightened, the children become frightened, and we do what we can to avoid triggering or making you angry."
