When does stalking become a serious threat and what can I do about it?
I think stalking becomes dangerous when they start following you; when they start popping up at your place of work. You might see them at the gym. You're seeing them at the grocery store. You see them driving behind you in traffic in the car. They're parked outside your house. They're calling you on the telephone. They're writing you letters. That's an extreme example of someone actively, actively trying to get with you. At that stage, it starts to become dangerous and very serious. You have several options at that point. You need to clearly and emphatically let them know that you don't wish to see them. You don't wish to speak with them. You don't wish to have any type of relationship with them. That has to be clear; that has to be said. Other options are to have another person say that. Sometimes hearing you say it isn't enough. They don't believe you because their perception that as there's a relationship, you don't really mean it. Sometimes having a third party say it makes a difference. Sometimes getting the police involved and having the police say it officially, and warning them officially, that if you persist in this, this is a crime; you could be arrested for it. Sometimes that does it. Sometimes going to the court and getting a restraining order works. Although, I've got to tell you that quite often that's a trigger. That sends the message to them that you have gone out of your way, now, to harm them. All of a sudden, it flips into something else, rather than just a casual stalking. Now it becomes a more serious matter, and many times restraining orders trigger more severe violence, or incidence of coming back with a gun, or kidnapping you, or something else.
