How do I know if a divorce will make me happier?
If you leave your spouse you may not be happier, but you're going to feel different, and that means you're going to feel different about yourself and about a different spouse. That different spouse, however, may be variable in terms of, they may have more of one quality and less of another quality that you like, and so what may happen is, you may just actually trade apples for oranges. What you really have to figure out is, if your basic needs are being met by this marriage. Those basic needs are, the needs for affection, for attention, for support, for fun, for mutuality and yourlifestyle, for someone who you can talk to when things are bad and things are good. This is not a clone of yourself and not a person who's supposed to do everything you want to do in your life. And so, if you get rid of someone who you feel for example, doesn't play enough sports, you may find that you've...you may find an athlete but not someone you can talk to intellectually, and then you may feel there is a deficit there. So, what we find is that, if you're not really having your needs met you need to think seriously about trading one spouse for another. On the other hand if you want to be alone, and you are someone who actually can be alone, then it may be better for you to leave that spouse, and you may find more happiness just taking care of yourself and not in taking care of someone else. One of the things I hear over and over again is "I'm tired of taking care of my spouse, I don't want to take care of anyone else". If that's truly the case, and you want to live as an island by yourself, you may be happier. But ultimately, people get lonelier, particularly, when they move into their fifties and sixties. They start worrying about their health, they start worrying about who will take care of them, who will be there for them, and so it really depends developmentally where you are, how you're going to look at happiness.
