What do I do if my partner asks for a divorce and I don't want one?
If your partner asks you for a divorce and you don't want a divorce, you have to think about why you don't want that divorce. First and foremost, why do you want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you? That's a self esteem deal breaker. You're going to find your self esteem plummeting if you beg someone to stay married to you when they clearly want a divorce. Also what's going to happen is, if that person acquiesces, you're going to find yourself very angry at them because you're going to know that they don't want to be there but you forced them to be there. Then you're going to be angry at yourself. So what's going to happen is the marital issue is still going to remain unresolved. It's going to be in conflict, but you're going to cycle in and out, in and out of the guilt and anger. So first and foremost, you have to acknowledge that the person is unhappy. You have to ask them what is going on with them - What's happening? What is it? Is it me? Is it you? Is it us? And try to really determine where that person is coming from. Unfortunately, people get very defensive. They don't want to listen, they want to defend themselves because they feel that their territory, their personal territory, their emotional territory is being obliterated at that moment and so they're going to protect themselves. They're either going to attack or defend. You need to listen. Listen to exactly what that person says. Why they're in conflict, what's going on. And then suggest some remedies. The first remedy may be marital counseling or maybe individual counseling for the person who's unhappy. But to go right to divorce from a moment of saying I'm unhappy, would be very, very premature and destructive to the family. Because even if the divorce is warranted, there's a natural process that has to take place in order for the divorce to be succeful, or even rendered unnecessary.
