Before Having Sex For The First Time - A Few Questions
Blue collar Catholic priest gives some earthy advice on human sexual behavior and responsibility. He shares with the viewers a series of questions his own father asked him when he was in 7th grade and what they taught him about responsibility .
Step 1: About me:
I grew up in a tough, steel working, truck driving environment. My own father worked in the mills all of his life, had muscles on top of his muscles, was a man's man, and he was very comfortable talking to me about life, in general, and about sexuality, in particular.
Step 2: My father:
From my earliest age, I can remember asking him questions. He would calmly give me calm and accurate answers. By the time I had reached sixth grade, I not only knew the basic mechanics of human sexuality, but my father had also explained to me prostitutes, sexually transmitted diseases and the use of condoms. Although, he warned, that they don't always work. And the dangers of prostitutes, in general.
Step 3: Childish misinformation:
But he also told me "don't tell any of the other kids". It's up to their parents to tell them about these matters. If you tell them, I will get in trouble. So when my little friends were spreading all types of half truths and erroneous ideas about sexuality, I kept my mouth shut.
I remember one little boy ran up to me in the sixth grade and said "Do you know what a condom is?" And I said "yes". He said "It's what you have babies with." And he ran off to spread this misinformation. But, I remember my father said "don't tell the other kids".
Step 4: Condoms don't always work.
By the time I was in seventh grade, already a rumor and a truth spread through the early adolescent community, about a boy that we distantly knew who was having sexual intercourse with his girlfriend. And the rumor had it, and probably was accurate, that he had sex with her three times, using a condom each time. But one time, it failed and she became pregnant. And all my friend felt "Boy, that was unfair!" But a little light bulb went off in my mind where my father said "They don't always work."
Step 5: Fatherly advice:
But one day my father said to me, "Jeff, come here a minute. I have a few questions to ask you."
I said, "Sure Dad, what?"
He said, "Have you ever bought a weeks worth of groceries?"
I said, "No, Dad, of course not."
He said, "Have you ever made a house payment or paid a month's rent?"
I said, "Of course, you know I haven't done that."
He said, "How about an insurance payment. Ever make an insurance payment or pay a utility bill?"
And I said, "No, I haven't done any of those things." He said "Make a car payment? Did you ever make a car payment?"
I said, "Dad, why you be asking me these questions? You know the answer to all of them."
He said, "I know. I know, Jeff, you and your buddies are talking about girls, talking about sex, hoping to have sex with them. But before you can have sex you have to be able to answer all those questions, I just gave you, positively. Because until you can answer all of those questions positively, yes. You will not be ready to have sex because you won't be ready to deal with the consequences of sex."
Step 6: Think of the consequences:
He probably heard about this young boy that got the girl pregnant. He said, "You can't take care of yourself right now. How would you take care of a baby and a girl?" He said "Now when you can finally answer all those questions, yes. Then it'll be time for you to look for a wife. And then, you'll be ready to have sex."It seemed so common sense, so earthy. I said "Yes, physically I'm ready to have sex." But my Dad pointed out to me, I'm not ready to handle any of the consequences that might happen because of it.And those simple questions young people have to ask themselves.And girls have to ask themselves today. Am I ready to have sex? Am I ready to have a baby right here and now and then take care of that human being for the next 18 or 20 years, by myself.And the young women out there may say "Oh, Father, there's ways of preventing conception. There's commons birth controls methods today- None of them are 100% certain. Are you ready to raise a child by yourself? Are you able to? You might say, "Oh, My boyfriend loves me." He can't take care of himself. How will he take care of you and a baby? Think of the consequences of your actions. And pray to be wiser than your years and wiser than your peers.
Step 7: Think of God...
Because I know the message I give, of waiting for marriage before you have sexual intercourse, is a small whispering voice. The schools, the universities, your friends, the media, MTV, all these other sources of information for you, are saying, my ideas are out of sync with reality. But just maybe they're in sync with the will of the God who loves you. Please be wise. Please think before you act. And even more than that, pray before you act in such serious matters. You're a sacred creature of God and God wants you to act in a nobel and ennobling manner. May God bless you.
