Emergency Gifts For Your Girlfriend
You forgot didn't you? Don't panic. Here are some quick ideas to get you out of a tight corner when you have failed to remember her birthday, or other red letter day.
Step 1: Steal flowers
Flowers from next door's garden, or the park, or if you're really dastardly- a cemetery. You don't have wrapping paper right? That was deliberate. You remember she has been concerned about the environment recently, so you got her an organic bouquet which uses twisted grasses to hold itself together, didn't you?
Step 2: Take a day off- for both of you
Before she wakes, call her boss and throw her a sickie, then do the same for you…. Then take her out for the day to choose her a present. Remember though, this doesn't work if it's Christmas Day- you are already on holiday.
Step 3: Do a song
If you are musically gifted, then come up with a simple love song all about her- and then perform it over a lovely breakfast in bed. If you aren't musically gifted, don't do this as it will be a horrible experience for her first thing in the morning.
Step 4: Give up a habit she hates
Write her out a promise: to give up smoking, or drinking, or farting in bed, or football or playing with childhood toys- or if you are really in a tight spot- smoking and drinking and farting and football and playing with childhood toys
Step 5: Do a collage
De-frame the nicest picture you have, and reuse the frame to make a photo collage of the pair of you, using old photos, cinema tickets, or other flattenable mementos you have lying around your place. Any old stuff will do. Be creative, and don't cut yourself.
Step 6: Do a poem
You could write out a poem she likes, or make one up, and write it out for her in longhand- remember, that thing we did before typing- and then stick it in the same frame
Step 7: Promise tokens
Give her a bunch of handwritten tokens she can cash in. 'a posh dinner', 'anywhere you want for the weekend', 5 times breakfast in bed' 'four hours of lovemaking, to be administered in sessions of her choosing'. Put together an assortment or promises - but put a best before date on them, you don't want that hanging over you for the rest of your life.