Get Fat, Gain Weight, And Become As Unfit As Possible
Need an antidote to all this weight loss 'hype'?... take a look at the Ultimate Anti-Health Plan from Pete Cohen, UK's hottest TV life coach. A spoof health-plan used in Pete's weight loss program: http://www.petecohen.tv/
Step 1: Anti-Health Plan
If you want to put weight on, reduce your energy levels and increase your risk of illness, then the ULTIMATE anti-health PLAN is for you. It's a simple four step approach to achieving a body that's shapeless and lifeless.
Step 2: Metabolic Rate
The first step in the ULTIMATE anti-health PLAN is to slow down your metabolic rate. You'll burn fewer calories so you'll automatically store body fat and put on weight.
The easiest way to do this is to stop any kind of exercise or activity. Spend your time in front of the television. Don't walk anywhere or always park as close as possible to your destination. And avoid breaking a sweat at all costs.
Step 3: Sugar Addiction
The next step in the ULTIMATE anti-health PLAN is to get addicted to sugar. Stock your pantry with sugary drinks, sugary cereals, refined carbohydrates like white bread and pasta and take advantage of special offers. That way you'll get the most junk for your money. Eat these foods whenever you can, especially if you're not hungry. The more sugar rich foods you eat, the sooner you'll reach your goal of being overweight and unhealthy.
Step 4: Calories
The key to putting weight on is to eat more calories than you need. Don't fill up on fruits and vegetables. If you're not careful, you'll have no room left for the fat and empty calories you need. Choose refined, processed foods full of hydrogenated or saturated fats.
You can stuff yourself with hundreds of excess calories without feeling full. And you'll also avoid fiber, which could fill you up unnecessarily. Now fried foods are good. Choosing deep fried or battered foods can double your calorie intake over grilled, steamed or stir-fried.
Step 5: Check Labeling
Check the labels and look for high calories and high fat content. And don't forget to buy snacks every time you visit a store. Keep some in your car, at your desk, next to the sofa and even beside your bed.
Step 6: Fast Foods
And most important, eat fast food whenever you can. These foods are full of saturated fat, sugar and refined flour and these are the best friend of any ULTIMATE anti-health dieter and a sure fire way of consuming a whole day's calories in one sitting. The best choices are burgers, deep fried chicken or battered fish. And don't forget the fries!
The perfect combination of fast releasing carbohydrates and saturated fats. You'll spike your blood sugar levels and overload your fat cells at the same time. Brilliant! And always remember to go for the largest portion available.
Step 7: Over-eating
Normally your body will tell you when you're hungry or full and when you need to rest and when you need to drink. You must learn to ignore all of these urges, because if you act on them you may find yourself losing weight. Eat when you're not hungry and eat past the point of feeling full and avoid water at all costs.
By not drinking too much water, you'll make sure you don't digest food well and you also maximize your stomach space for other foods. We often mistake thirst for hunger as well, so if you make the mistake of drinking water you may well curb your appetite, a serious setback. If you're thirsty drink sugary drinks, or tea or coffee or fortified milk and this will also help you to maximize your calorie intake.
Step 8: Health Risks
By following these simple four steps, you'll learn to give up responsibility for your own health. By falling prey to temptation and continuing old habits, you can stay firmly on the familiar path of weight gain.
Blame supermarkets, restaurants, the advertising industry and even your mother for your eating habits and you'll find that once you get the hang of it, the program will be so easy to follow that you'll be doing it automatically, if you're not doing it already.