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How To Accept Yourself As Gay

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How To Accept Yourself As Gay

Coming to terms with their homosexuality can be a difficult process for some people. With the help of a trained psychotherapist, we've put together this advice to help you accept yourself as gay, lesbian or bisexual. Coming to terms with their homosexuality can be a difficult process for some people. With the help of a trained psychotherapist, we've put together this advice to help you accept yourself as gay, lesbian or bisexual.

Step 1: How to know if you are gay

If you're having some doubts about your sexuality, then you are probably not 100% heterosexual. Sexuality is not a completely black and white subject. There are many different variations of sexuality, and these can change over time. For more information, watch VideoJug's film called 'How to know if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual.'

Step 2: You can't change your sexuality

Despite what some people (most often from the religious right) say, that you can change your sexuality, there is very, very little evidence of successful long term change. You may be able to stop having sex with your own sex, but your desires are likely to remain much the same, if not get stronger and the lack of acting on these natural feelings might cause you great stress and could even lead to serious problems - depression, feeling suicidal etc. Engaging in so-called therapeutic programmes which claim to be able to change your sexuality are almost certainly going to fail and are very likely to cause you some serious psychological damage.

Step 3: Build your self-esteem

Due to the stigma associated with homosexuality in most cultures and societies, gay people are often made to feel that their sexuality is 'wrong' or 'evil'. In fact, sexual diversity and variation is entirely normal. Your sexuality is just one small but significant part of the wonderful human being you are.
Make a list of your good qualities and attributes. Are you kind? Sensitive? A loyal friend etc? Tall, have lovely eyes? A killer smile etc? You being gay or lesbian is as much a part of you as your qualities and physical attributes and is in fact as impossible to change as your eye colour.
In the UK, PACE runs workshops and publishes some free booklets about building self-esteem for gay people. Their website is www.pacehealth.org.uk.

Step 4: Coming out

A major step in accepting your homosexuality is 'coming out' and showing others that you are OK with it. The more people who know about your homosexuality and accept it, the easier it will be for you to accept it yourself. Find a supportive group of gay friends who you can talk to about these issues. But don't just hang out with gay people, you may find the acceptance of your sexuality by straight friends can really mean a great deal. Also try to be open about your sexuality in mainstream, heterosexual society where you can and if it feels safe to do so. If you can show people that you are a wonderful, balanced person, who happens to be gay, this will challenge people's homophobia. If you need help with any of these issues, you might like to contact a gay support group or counselling service in your area. www.pinktherapy.com hosts the UK's only online Directory of gay friendly therapists. You are bound to find someone in your area you can talk to about this.

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Tips & Comments
  1. suus

    I am 32 and I always have been insecure about the way I look,about relationships, about my sexuality. I always feel ,and have felt, like the odd one out in a group when out on a saturday night and would run a mile when I got any attention from a man. I Always feel more comfortable around women but I haven't got any sexual experience with either men or women. I always thought my time would come and I would meet someone who I did't feel so akward with. It is only now that I really admit to myself that I could be a lesbien and that not freak out. All I want is to find someone who to love and to be with in stead of being by myself. I am not sure where to go from here...

  2. kc4sec9

    im kc im 18 im les and i cant accept it my family hates me...i literaly have noone in the world to talk to about this.i never had much of a family my childhood was abusive iv been raped and so many other things i just want to find happyness in this lif honesly i just wish i could get past what my family thinks and what society thinks and just find a nice girl who makes me smile and laught somone who i can be goofy with and come back to at the end of the day and know things r ok...i wish i wasnt so scared i feel dumb iv never been one to care much about others opinions so this is strange i just wish i wasnt so scared...

  3. CrayzeeGal

    I think I'm 100% straight. I've never had sex dreams or kissing dreams about other girls and I've never wondered what it would be like. I've also never been attracted to my friends who are women. I have a boyfriend, but I guess I wouldn't mind it if I was gay. I knid of wish I was lol.

  4. mickyc85

    lol he should be careful looking up Gaydar on a work computer!

  5. tomtomdrum

    Gay is OK! just remember that stereotypes are only stereotypes. your sexuality doesn't define you as you, it's just another aspect. love yourself for who you are, and make connections where you can! good video, but there's so much more (of course). I hope if you're watching this because you're having trouble, you look for human support, not just videos and websites. it's essential ok.

  6. CaptainPlanet2020

    People that claim the word gay is stolen or propoganda is completely stupid!!! The word gay is used by most all people, so if it was not stolen, just the natural evolution of a word. It's mad to say it's stolen, how could one group steal a word? They couldn't, and the reason the word's definition has changed, is because ALL people have accepted it as such. Anyhow, great video! It's a great resource for people!!

  7. Anonymous

    Its hard when all your relationships were based on hiding the truth. I was one of those who really hoped there was a magic fix. Lots of pain and traumas. I am now divorced after 25 years of marriage and I have decided finally to accept myself. Its just the voices still echo from the past. I am now 50 and some current `friendships` depend on me living in denial. Wish I had been born in 1987 rather than 1957.. What can you do after all that. Well I guess begin to wake up after the nightmare..

  8. Anonymous

    I've always supressed my m2m feelings - since my teens in fact amd Im now 40 and but still have strong feelings. This video has been very enlightening - maybe Im more normal than i thought but I doubt I wil ever admit or act on my feelings.

  9. Anonymous

    I always see it as this. If people are gay, then they are gay. But they don't need to fight anything or anyone, you can be gay just as the other is straight. There isn't really much prejudice left out there. That's a good video.

  10. Anonymous

    very enlightening - i've always blocked out my thoughts on the m2m attraction - maybe i'm more normal than i think.