How To Accept Yourself As Gay
Coming to terms with their homosexuality can be a difficult process for some people. With the help of a trained psychotherapist, we've put together this advice to help you accept yourself as gay, lesbian or bisexual.
Step 1: How to know if you are gay
If you're having some doubts about your sexuality, then you are probably not 100% heterosexual. Sexuality is not a completely black and white subject. There are many different variations of sexuality, and these can change over time. For more information, watch VideoJug's film called 'How to know if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual.'
Step 2: You can't change your sexuality
Despite what some people (most often from the religious right) say, that you can change your sexuality, there is very, very little evidence of successful long term change. You may be able to stop having sex with your own sex, but your desires are likely to remain much the same, if not get stronger and the lack of acting on these natural feelings might cause you great stress and could even lead to serious problems - depression, feeling suicidal etc. Engaging in so-called therapeutic programmes which claim to be able to change your sexuality are almost certainly going to fail and are very likely to cause you some serious psychological damage.
Step 3: Build your self-esteem
Due to the stigma associated with homosexuality in most cultures and societies, gay people are often made to feel that their sexuality is 'wrong' or 'evil'. In fact, sexual diversity and variation is entirely normal. Your sexuality is just one small but significant part of the wonderful human being you are.
Make a list of your good qualities and attributes. Are you kind? Sensitive? A loyal friend etc? Tall, have lovely eyes? A killer smile etc? You being gay or lesbian is as much a part of you as your qualities and physical attributes and is in fact as impossible to change as your eye colour.
In the UK, PACE runs workshops and publishes some free booklets about building self-esteem for gay people. Their website is www.pacehealth.org.uk.
Step 4: Coming out
A major step in accepting your homosexuality is 'coming out' and showing others that you are OK with it. The more people who know about your homosexuality and accept it, the easier it will be for you to accept it yourself. Find a supportive group of gay friends who you can talk to about these issues. But don't just hang out with gay people, you may find the acceptance of your sexuality by straight friends can really mean a great deal. Also try to be open about your sexuality in mainstream, heterosexual society where you can and if it feels safe to do so. If you can show people that you are a wonderful, balanced person, who happens to be gay, this will challenge people's homophobia. If you need help with any of these issues, you might like to contact a gay support group or counselling service in your area. www.pinktherapy.com hosts the UK's only online Directory of gay friendly therapists. You are bound to find someone in your area you can talk to about this.
