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How To Argue Productively

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How To Argue Productively

Arguing is a normal part of any relationship - and can make your relationship stronger. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall gives her top tips for having a productive argument. Arguing is a normal part of any relationship - and can make your relationship stronger. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall gives her top tips for having a productive argument.

Step 1: Work out what you're really arguing about

Be self-aware. Are you really arguing about the washing up, or is there a deeper issue under the surface? If so, stop arguing about the washing up and have the discussion.

Step 2: Confront the issue, not each other

Many couples start arguing about an issue but end up arguing about who's fault it is. Keep the initial issue at the forefront of your mind, and don't resort to blaming each other.

Step 3: Always stick to the matter in hand

Don't bring up the past, other issues, or other peoples' opinions. Argue about one thing at a time.

Step 4: Be adult

You might find that you sound like a strict parent or rebellious child when you argue. Imagine having the same conversation with your boss and think about how you would respond. Bring that "adult" self into the conflict with your partner.

Step 5: Check yourself

Be aware of how you're feeling. If you're tired, stressed, ill or irritable, give your partner some warning so that they can give you space.

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Tips & Comments
  1. aniki91344

    I think step one is to learn to keep cool in conditions where an argument begins to boil. Once you can think with reason, rather than a temper, you can begin to unwind the argument, assess where each partner is coming from, and see the issue from both perspectives. If a partner, or maybe both partners are too engulfed in bursting emotion to think level headed, put the issue on hold for about 2 hours of cooling down, and then come back to it. PS, she didn't say fighting like children are pathetic, she said that when a partner begins to pout, or be unreasonable, and can not argue within the boundaries of the issue alone, and must find past arguments to throw at the partner, or bring in opinions of others to act as minions, that is when an argument becomes pathetic. I completely agree.

  2. Anonymous

    That is so unfair. She said that when children argue they are pathetic. I am a 12 year old. Hang on. Why am I watching this video?

  3. IM2WILD4U2007

    Great advice. Although I know from experience putting into practice is not as easy as it sounds when you are arguing. Also I agree with aslam those bells or whatever they are get annoying real fast.

  4. aslam

    good video, great info. I don't really like the little cell phone ring during the chapter titles. t gets annoying rather quickly.