How To Be Assertive
Learn how to take control of your life by effectively communicating with others. Confrontation doesn't have to be unpleasant; it can be a vehicle in which you get to broadcast your feelings and thoughts to someone, if done properly.
-
Step 1:
-
Confront The Issue
-
Start off with showing empathy for the other person's feelings. This shows them that you understand their point of view and you're not trying to pick a fight. Then describe your unhappiness. This tells them why you need something to change. Finally, state exactly what you would like to see change in the other person's behavior.
-
Step 2:
-
Communication Dos And Don'ts
-
Don't lose your temper. Keep your voice calm and maintain a pleasant but serious facial expression. Don't accuse, judge or blame the other person; instead, focus on the problem you're having. Use your body to communicate, too; stand or sit up tall and maintain eye contact. Use "I" statements - for example, "I'd like to have some more time to get ready", instead of "You're always rushing me". Express ownership of your thoughts and feelings.
-
Step 3:
-
Stay On Track
-
There are several ways the confrontation can get off track. Be sure to remain focused on the problem at hand. If you need to, keep repeating yourself until the other person gets what you're requesting. This is called the broken record technique. If the content of the argument shifts, slow down and re-evaluate. The real problem may be something bigger than the immediate topic.
-
Step 4:
-
Just Say No
-
Passive people commonly have trouble saying no. If you can't say no, you're not in charge of your life. Realize you do have a choice and if you say no, it doesn't make you a bad person and the other person will accept it as your answer. Decide on your position before you speak and if you need some time to think about it, it's OK to ask for more time. Finally, don't apologize for saying no, remember, it's your right to do so.