How To Be Lazy In The Office And Get Away With It
How to be lazy in the office and get away with it: VideoJug shows you how to be the laziest person in your office, giving you excuses and top tips on being lazy. We show you how to make sure no one finds out you are the laziest person in the office and not doing any work.
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Step 1:
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Work area
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The key is misdirection: To be the laziest person in your office, you must look like the most diligent, so always look busy. Arrange your desk so that it gives the impression of ordered chaos. This means papers, post its, and a bursting in tray.
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Step 2:
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Props
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Carry a briefcase, and take it home with you, it will give colleagues the strong impression that you take your work seriously. You can also try striding about, papers under your arm, looking anxious and stressed. Not only will you look busy but be less approachable, stopping people asking too many questions about what you're up to.
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Step 3:
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Appearance
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Dress in smart work-clothes, be punctual and occasionally ask a colleague to pick up your lunch so you can stay and keep on top of things. Your persona will leave no doubt in their minds as to your work ethic.
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Step 4:
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The internet
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4) The internet: If you do actually HAVE to be at work, make the most of it by enjoying the endless entertainment options of the internet- play games, catch up with mates and book that well earned holiday.
Top Tip: Use a piece of software called workFriendly. This makes all web pages appear like word documents. Passing colleagues will make the assumption that you're working hard whilst you're really just finding out what's on the television tonight.
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Step 5:
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Body language
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While at work, your body language must reinforce the impression of conscientiousness. So no laughing, slouching, shifty over-the-shoulder glances or gasps of awe at the latest forward.
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Step 6:
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Sick days
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If you don't fancy going into work from time to time you're going to need a good reason. First of all you can use an illness as your excuse – decide what it's going to be, whether a migrane, allergy or conjunctivitis. Colleagues won't want some-one with irritable bowel syndrome sharing their bathroom. Get your facts straight and know the symptoms. Don't just use the first health issue that comes up in your internet search. Your supposed male menstrual pains may not convince your boss. And don't choose anything too serious or fatal - if they do find out no amount of charisma will get you out of trouble.
Sick kids will always get you time off – no questions asked. Claim you have to take them to the doctor, pick them up from school or look after them at home. If you don't have your own children make up a young niece or nephew, cousin or even try an elderly pet that you need to take care of. Be aware of how many days off you're taking. Push it too far and you'll have much more time to be lazy - as you'll be fired.
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Step 7:
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White lies
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If you really are being as lazy as you can you'll no doubt get asked some probing questions by suspicious employers. If you're using fake kids or pets to get time off lay the ground work in advance. Mention your sister's dysfunctional child or your ancient over-dramatic pet, and even show pictures.
When you phone in with a ‘supposed illness', switch on your Oscar worthy acting skills. Don't overplay it and don't provide explicit information. If you're phoning in from out of the home, make sure there are no background sounds that give you away. Additionally provide sound affects if you're claiming to be in a traffic jam or stuck at the train station. You can record these sounds onto a dictaphone.
Once you've lied make a note and remember the lie. The more lies you tell the more difficult it is to cover yourself – so don't say anything you don't need to, but you must have the background information in case you're asked questions.
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Step 8:
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For the non-actors
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If you don't have any acting skills, and find your lies are see-through, we have some extra tips for you. Join the committees at your work, but first make sure meetings do actually take place during working hours or you might find you're working harder than everyone else. Join as many as you can. Many companies have social, charity or health and safety committees to sit in whilst avoiding work.
Send e-mails first and last thing to show people you were there working for the entire day. You could even wake up early, send an e-mail from home, and go back to sleep. When you turn up very late for work you they will have proof you were actually working long before anyone else. -
Happy skiving