How To Be Single And Happy
Learn to appreciate your single status. Here are five things that singles sometimes take for granted.
Step 1: Sleep
Sleep is a beautiful thing. When you're single, no one's nagging at you to get up or counting the hours that you've spent in bed. You are left in peace with your box fan and body pillow. Sleep all day guilt-free!
Step 2: Money
When you're single, there's no joint account. You can do whatever you want with your money. There's none of that "what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours" foolishness. No household budget. Go ahead and buy that hideous, life-size statue of Wayne Newton. Put it in the middle of the living room. No one is the boss of you!
Step 3: Career
Work all night, all weekend if you want to. Then socialize with the boss until 2:00AM or later. Your married co-workers can't compete. They've got "commitments". You win by default! And when that headhunter calls, there's no one holding you back. Pack up and move wherever the fattest paycheck is waiting.
Step 4: Rejection
When you're single, rejection is your friend. If you're on a bad date, make up some excuse and get the heck out of there. You don't have to ever see her again.
Step 5: Amuse Yourself
Host a poker tournament complete with back up dancers. See how much laundry you can fit into the washer. Create a new dish out of the few things you have left in the cupboard and eat it in the middle of the night. Become a pro at belching the alphabet. The possibilities are endless.