How To Become A Better Parent
How to become a better parent: VideoJug helps take the stress out of parenting. Watch our self-help video describing the basic principles of effective parenting in a simple and straightforward format. Competent and caring parenting is essential for the wellbeing of any child and a prerequisite for effective adult mental health when the child grows up. So learn the essential building blocks of effective parenting now with VideoJug.
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Step 1:
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Time
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The first issue that I want you to look at is that time for a child is extremely different than time for an adult.
If I tell another adult, "wait five minutes and I'll be right with you," they're going to only start to getting a little anxious about the time when the time has run out.
But for a child, a minute feels like an hour. If you ask them to wait a minute they're going to bug in you in about 20 seconds if you're lucky. Probably about five seconds is more likely. And that's natural.
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Step 2:
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Psychological Traits
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But oftentimes what parents look at that is that the child is being willfull or that the child is being inconsiderate. In other words, they attach adult thinking and adult reality to the child.
And if it's misbehavior then they're going to want to punish the misbehavior. If they knew that it was just a mistake in perception, then what would happen much more often is that parents would attempt to teach their children. They would understand, they would detach, and they would teach and that is really the main and most difficult part of a parent's job anyway.
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Step 3:
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Learnings
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Another big learning that kids have to get from somewhere and should get from their parents is the whole idea of the difference between personhood and behavior.
And what I mean by that is, up until the age of 12, children are unable to see grey. They are congenitally only able to see black and white. And therefore, if they try to do well on a test, and they do poorly, they will take that moment in time, or that particular subject that they are studying and they will generalize and decide that they are incredibly stupid. That feeling is personhood, and personhood has to do with shame.
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Step 4:
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Behavioral Problems
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So if I am a failure, I'm am looking at there being a core problem inside of my being. If it's about behavior, it's about guilt. And, essentially, behavior is something that is changeable. Behavior is something that is flexible.
So, in general, if I am a good golfer, most days I'm going to go out and play a decent game. But any particular day I would be totally capable of playing a horrible game, or playing much better than I would usually be able to.
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Step 5:
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Time Span
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Adults, for the most part, know that the only way to really assess a particular level of expertise is over a 20-year span, 80% of the time. That will give you a rough idea and you might at that point be able to talk about a general characteristic. But the day-to-day fluxuations are simply about behavior.
In our society, we, unfortunately, mix up the words guilt and shame. Guilt is used in place of shame. Guilt is actually a good thing. It's only about behavior, it's a mistake, oops. You take it seriously, apologize, and change it. But shame is something that is lifelong.
If you're defective in some way, you will never be able to overcome it. But the tendency will be to try. And the way we try is to become "shame-less," and try to be God-like and perfect. And that leads to heartache and failure.
