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How To Come Out To Your Parents
Telling your parents that you're gay can be intimidating. Who knows how they'll react? If you're trying to figure out how and when to break your big news, you might find the advice in this film helpful. The advice will tell you the best methods to come out to your parents.
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Step 1:
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Preparing
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Decide whether you want to come out to your parents and when would be the best time.
Think about any times when homosexuality might have come up in conversation or on TV and what has their reaction been to this? Have they got any gay/lesbian friends/relatives or work colleagues and how do they feel about them?
But remember that their reaction to their own child coming out is very unpredictable. However long you have been coming to terms with this information about your sexuality, it may well come as a shock and disappointment to your parents.
Even seemingly liberal parents can react very badly.
They may have difficulty accepting it, as they think being gay/lesbian is a difficult lifestyle, they may have had less access to knowing gay people and to the diversity of the LGBT community and so have some quite old fashioned ideas about what it means to be lesbian or a gay.
Also consider your own safety. Don't come out if you feel that doing so may place you in any kind of danger. If you think you might be physically attacked for coming out, or thrown out of your parents home with nowhere to go, then this is probably not the best time to come out. If you are close to a brother or sister, you might want to seek their support first.
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Step 2:
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Coming out face to face
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The advantage of telling your parents face-to-face that you are gay is that it will open a dialogue on the subject and you will be able to answer your parents' many questions. Break the news to your parents in a safe, comfortable environment like at home, rather than in a public place. Think about whether you want to tell your parents both at the same time or individually, but remember that keeping the news from one parent for a significant time could be seen as divisive. If your parents take the news badly, try not to get defiant or angry. Try to remain calm and avoid making a big scene. Explain to your parents that you are still the same person you have always been, but you are now just revealing another part of your life.
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Step 3:
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Coming out by letter
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In some cases it's better to come out by letter, email or phone. The benefit of this method is that it gives you a chance to explain things fully and also for them to have the opportunity to react to the news in private and in their own time. This method might also be appropriate if you think your parents will react badly to the news, or if you think they might become abusive. It will give your parents time to 'cool down' before a face-to-face meeting. But remember that some parents will prefer to be told face-to-face rather than by letter, as they may see it as a more personal way to deal with such important news.
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Step 4:
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After you have come out
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After you have told your parents that you are gay, you will probably want to tell other family members who don't know. It's important to keep discussion about your homosexuality going, but it shouldn't be forced. Discuss it as much as straight members of the family discuss their heterosexuality. Talk about it as just one significant part of your life, and introduce your family to your gay friends and partners, just the same as your straight siblings would. Remember that if your homosexuality is never mentioned again after you come out, then your parents may go back into denial and pretend that you are not gay. If your coming out went badly, then you may find talking to a therapist to be helpful. PACE in London, runs a Family Support project, and their are also parent support groups around the UK.
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