How To Convince Your Parents

Hi, my name's Nikki, and I'm a counsellor and psychotherapist, and I work a lot with teenagers. I'm here to talk to you about some of the issues that you might find you're dealing with as a teenager and to hopefully give you some tips that might be useful. If you're thinking about how to convince your parents, I just want you to understand what this means for you.

Is it you're trying to manipulate your parents into agreeing to something that you want or you're trying to negotiate with them about something you think is best for you but perhaps they don't agree with? It's important first that you try to convince your parents that something is important to you, whether it's realistic or not, whether you think they will agree with it or if it's the request you've got or whatever it is you wanted to do is so unrealistic your parents would never agree. So if you decide that whatever it is you want from your parents is realistic, and that it might be something your parents would come around to agreeing with, then obviously what you next need to do is talk to them. And if you want to prepare them, it may be that you suggesting, rather than just outright asking them whatever it is, let's say, you want more freedom, you want more independence, you want to be able to stay out later, you need to find a time that's right to talk to your parents so that you're feeling most calm.

So that you're not talking when you're angry, or when your parents are angry, so you're helping them to kind of understand the importance of whatever it is so they understand how important it is for you. So rehearse what you want to say, practice with your friends, or practices just saying it aloud to yourself in front of a mirror or just saying it in your head, its not that you're going to script something and read it from a script, be natural in what you say but have thought about and have thought about the arguments you want to put forward. Also what kind of arguments they're going to have against whatever it is that you're hoping they'll agree with.

So you know your parents by now imagine what will be there arguments against it? Are they worried that you'll be in danger or they think you'll be in bad company, so consider the answers you might have for them, or how might you reassure them, or are there ways you might negotiate. I mean, any, if you're trying to convince anyone of anything, the best thing is to find a way of negotiating with someone and have a compromise position. So it may be that they agree you can go out perhaps not as late as you'd like, or that you take your mobile and you agree to check with them.

Think about the concerns your parents have and take them seriously. They might be genuine concerns about your safety or someone else's influence on you. Be specific in what you ask so when you find a time to talk to them, try to be specific about what you want.

Sometimes, people can be too general and just say, "You know, I want to be more grown up. I don't want any demands put on me by you." But if you ask them for something specific, your parents are more likely to agree with you or to at least come to understand what issue you're asking for.

And listen to them as well as expecting to be listened to. Because they might have a point so it's worth kind of considering what their views are as well as making sure that you put your views across. I've said about having a compromise ready and your parents need to have a compromise ready, well, they may not have it ready, but if you can help your parents to find a compromise as well.

Some parents might find it difficult to adapt from you becoming a teenager from having been a child so it's helping them learn that you are becoming a young adult and you do need more freedom, whatever it is that you're wanting to get their permission or agreement towards. And be honest with them! Tell them what you feel, tell them what you're hoping for, and see if they can kind of understand what