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How To Deal With A Drunk

How To Deal With A Drunk

If you are ever accosted by a drunken pirate, or other nasty person, then you might need some techniques to deal with aggression or unpleasant behaviour.

Step 1: Have you offended him?

Has you, perhaps in jest, said something inappropriate or offensive? A simple apology is the best way to avoid further confrontation. Do this as simply as possible, without laughing, or adding further witticisms at his expense. It is difficult to remain angry in the face of a sincere apology, but much easier to feel angrier after an insincere one.

Step 2: How drunk is he?

If he is grog-fuelled then there is no shame in quickly removing yourself from the vicinity, without explanation.
If he is rational, then you should explain that you would never brawl in the street like some tupenny hapenny Jack Tar, and suggest he checks himself before he wrecks himself. Then take your leave.
Remain in control. Your instinct may be to give him a right old keel-hauling, but this could end badly for you, with a trip to the brig, or worse, Davy Jones' Locker

Step 3: Confuse him

You could use a clever trick from the world of hypnotism. Out of nowhere, say something utterly random and peculiar- like 'you are wearing all of his spoons?' or 'but I was about to build your brother a wall'. Make sure what you say is not insulting or threatening. The idea is to jolt him out of his aggressive mindset by giving him something strange to think about, thereby confusing his tiny pirate mind, and taking the heat out of the moment.

Step 4: Use your lady

Or you could get your woman to talk him down- or even better, motion for her to storm off in disgust so you have an excuse to run after her. Or get her to butt in with a story about your weak heart. Or just get her to chin him.

Step 5: Bribe him

Or you could buy your way our of trouble, with an offer of a beer or a shiny doubloon. Don't get all your doubloons out though, or it could turn into a mugging.

Step 6: Just run away

Or you could just run away.