How To Deal With Difficult People

Hello, I'm Sarah Lloyd-Hughes from Ginger Training and Coaching, and today I'd like to give you a bite-size coaching technique on personal development. If you would like any more information about my self or my company, please visit go-ginger.com.

How to deal with difficult people? We've all been there, stuck with somebody who's been completely difficult and we have no idea why. If we're not careful, the situation can quickly turn into anger, hurt feelings, crossed words and so on. So, how do you deal with somebody who's difficult? Well, the first way is to avoid the person or the situation that becomes difficult.

Sounds too obvious to be true, but if you know the situation will only end up in angry words, avoidance is often the best solution. Sometimes, it's easy to get into addictive dynamics with others when your arguing feels healthy like you've cleared the air. But anger doesn't help with anyone in the long run.

Just take the decision to walk away next time the difficult situation raises its head and come back later when things have cooled off. But what if you can't avoid the situation or the person? Tip 2 is what I call the mirror technique. It goes like this.

Ask yourself, what is it about this person that you find difficult? Is it that they're too bossy, they don't communicate well, they don't listen? Now, think carefully, is there anyone, anyone in the whole world who doesn't find this person difficult? If you think hard, the chances are, yes. And the chances are also that with those people, your difficult person doesn't even behave like a difficult person. Here's where the mirror comes in.

People we find difficult are a reflection of something in ourselves that we don't like. Let's test that because this might be a little bit difficult to swallow. Say your difficult person is too bossy and everybody in the office agrees, a complete control freak.

Yet why would that matter to you if you were comfortable with somebody else taking control? If you were relaxed about that, you wouldn't be aggravated by a “bossy” person. So, that person's bossiness actually resonates with the part of you that wants to keep control for yourself. What about a poor communicator? Could it be that you also fail to communicate with that difficult person in an adequate fashion? Or a poor listener, when did you switch off when they're talking? The mirror technique isn't always straightforward, so investigate it for yourself and when you understand your role to creating this difficult relationship, why don't you change something about the way that you react? It takes two to tango, so if you change the dance steps, your difficult person will be forced to do the same.

Good luck! If you'd like more information on this or any other personal development technique, head over to Ginger Training and Coaching's website, go-ginger.com, to find out more.