How To Foul
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How To Foul
Welcome to the Rudi Latka's Soccer School. In this film top manager Rudi Latka shows you how to foul! Rudi isn't big on playing fair and has some tips to help you cheat your opponents. We don't know who he actually managed but after the producer had a visit from the Russian mafia in a sushi bar he said we had to make the films.
Step 1: The professional foul
The king of the fouls – if an opponent is just about to score and has the goal wide open, do anything to stop him. At all costs you must stop him from scoring. To do the best professional foul try to do it just outside the penalty box so that even if you will be sent off you don't concede a penalty too.
Step 2: The shirt pull
If you're a bit slow and your opponent is Speedy Gonzalez it's best to keep him as close to you as possible. If you take a nice grip of his shirt then he isn't going anywhere in a hurry, if he's strong you may even want to use two hands.
Step 3: The toe stamp
A little trick I learnt from Alan Shearer which is a great foul for the attacker. If you are waiting for a free kick or a corner and you have a defender close behind you, just before the ball is kicked move back and put your heels on his toes, when the ball comes over he'll be holding his sore foot while you head the ball unchallenged.
Step 4: The Vinnie grab
Before he became an Oscar winning Hollywood Star Vinnie Jones made a famous grab on Gazza. It works well if you take a nice firm grab of his balls – this should leave him distracted so you can get the ball
Step 5: The elbow
Some say the elbow is nasty dirty thing to do but football is like war not a ballet or something. Use the hardest part of the arm to break the nose, cheekbone or head of your opponent. You may get sent off but he will go to hospital and look very ugly leaving all the pretty girl at the disco for you.
Step 6: The two footed lunge
Why tackle with one foot when you can tackle with two. With two feet you can have twice the chance of kicking his legs, or if you get the ball with one foot the other gets his leg. Again you may get sent off but he won't be dancing at the disco on Saturday night!
Step 7: The Glasgow Kiss
When an opponent has been yabbering away in your ear all day and you are getting a bit bored. Maybe you are losing, it's raining and you just want to get out of the cold and have a shower – get yourself sent to the hot shower early by making a nice Glasgow Kiss on an opponent's nose. Make a nice firm contact with your forehead on his nose.