How To Get A Snog At 11:50 On New Year's Eve

Step 1: Mingle

New Year is the one night of the year when ugly gits like you can get a snog – but you've got to get out there. Stop talking to your mates at the bar, don't take that drunken phone call from your mother and get out there amongst the throng. Or amongst the thong – depending on what king of party you're at. To swap bodily fluids you're gonna have to swap conversation first.

Step 2: Choose Your Target

You're going to have to be decisive - you've only got 10 minutes. And you can't get it wrong because if your target's married then you're going to have to wait till 2009. Work out who's single. They'll be the ones sizing up the talent, but check for a wedding ring and keep your eye on them to make sure there's no spouse lurking at the bar. Also, you haven't got time to get rejected, so forget the supermodel standing in the corner and start thinking about the minger lying on the bar.

Step 3: Sod The Small Talk

It's now or never. They'll be exuberant, they'll be full of joie de vivre and they'll probably be drunk as several skunks so you've got more lee-way to be direct. By all means be friendly, and you should probably start by saying hello, but you haven't got time to tell them your life story so let them know why you're there and what you want.

Step 4: Go In For The Kill

If they haven't run away by now, a snog's looking promising, so try not to ruin it at the last moment. Take it low and slow. Don't bang teeth, try not to slurp and for God's sake make sure your breath doesn't stink.