How To Get Over An Affair
How To Get Over An Affair
For simple, reasonable and wise advice on picking up the pieces of a relationship after an affair has seemingly derailed it, this is worth listening to.
Today, I'm going to talk about how to get over an affair. Now an affair can be a really painful thing, especially if you didn't see it coming, or you felt the relationship was really on track, and you were really in love with the person. But that doesn't mean that it's the end of a relationship, just because your partner has had an affair or you've had an affair.
I think the key thing, first of all, is to look at what happened for you to get here in the first place. There is always a reason behind everything, so if you're in that space and environment where it's possible, first of all, try to sit down with your partner and actually talk to them about why the affair occurred. It might be that there are some fundamental things that have been missing in the relationship.
It might be that there are big warning signs that have been missed along the way. I'm not saying that excuses the affair, but sometimes if you can get your head around why it happened, we can start to reduce the blame and look at the solution. So try and find some space to sit down and have that conversation.
Try and have it somewhere neutral where it doesn't evoke or bring in any other emotions or memories that can actually add fire to the conversation. So you really want to try and keep it civilized. Take on board that the person who has been cheated on and the person who has had the affair will have different emotions.
So you could be in different spaces emotionally, and you really need to try and find a way to meet in the middle. If you need help to get somebody to come and mediate or sit with you, then please do that, because again, there'll be lots of memories coming up, and I think it's really, really important you focus on the main issues rather than getting caught up in the little things. Another way to help get over an affair is to actually look at how are we going to move this forward in a more pleasurable way.
So, maybe start from fresh. Start dating again. Take it on board with the old issues and what you've learned and habits that maybe need to be addressed, but actually have a clean slate, and start dating, start doing things that will allow you to connect in a different way.
It might be that you need to spend some time apart before you come back together. You know it's not always easy to get over an affair and assume you can carry on as things were before, so it might be that in order to rebuild things you do need to spend some time apart. But I think if you have a clear plan and you set an intention and you're both on the same page to make it happen, there' no reason why you can't get over an affair.
It might be that even after doing all of these things suddenly you realize that you two just aren't compatible, and it might be that you then need to go off and rebuild your life separately. So, I think if you take everything on board and really put your energy into making it work, because not working, it might be that the only way that you can get over the affair is to actually look to go into a relationship with somebody who is more suited to you. So try everything else first, and if not, then maybe sit down and think, "Is this relationship really going to work?" and maybe it's time to call it a day.
Either way, there's no reason why you can't have a happy outcome, even after an affair. .