How To Get Tickets For A Sold Out Gig

So you've missed out on tickets for your favorite band, don't dispair here's the Videojug inside info on how to get tickets for sold-out gigs.
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Step 1:
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Massage The Band
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Arrive really early as the band are sound-checking and wait outside. Sometimes you can end up talking to crew. If you talk to anyone who has anything to do with the band, make it clear to them that they are your favorite band and that you've been waiting there all night just for the chance to get a ticket. By massaging their egos in this way you stand a good chance of getting in.
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Step 2:
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Tickets On The Door
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Venues often hold back tickets and release them on the door a few hours before the gig. If you're hanging around, have a chat to someone who works at the venue and try to make them sympathetic to your plight. (exadurated sympathy stories?)
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Step 3:
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Evil Touts
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Ticket touts are evil, but sometimes in rock you need to hold hands with the devil to get to the gold. But remember,NEVER pay for tickets from a tout unless he's offering them at face value.
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Step 4:
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Spares
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Often people end up with spare tickets because someone doesn't show up or they have an extra guest list. Stay focused and keep your senses tuned to finding tickets. You may only get one chance and you must be ready to pounce like a rock panther!
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Step 5:
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Internet Shopping
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Sometimes as the gig gets closer tickets can be found on ebay from people who can't make the date. Only pay face value and the cost of postage.
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Step 6:
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Join The Mafia
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The Promoters are the gig mafia, they control everything, so if you can do something for them, then maybe they can do something for you. Find out who they are and call them to see if they have any casual jobs such as leafleting, questionnaires or even selling t-shirts. this way you can make your beer money and go see the gig when you're finished.
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Step 7:
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BELIEVE
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The most imortant thing you need in rock is to believe, so the best way of getting in is to believe you're going to get in and you will!