How To Go On A Date To The Movies

Step 1: That film you want to see

It's important to go to the flicks with your new partner early on, so you can be sure they are able to stop talking when required. If they can't keep quiet, it's important to find out now.
If you're still trying to impress, then you may pretend to want to see certain films to make yourself seem sophisticated and intellectual. Out of politeness, your new partner might agree. The result is you both sit through some arthouse nonsense full of subtexts and juxtapositions..

Forget that! Be honest, then you could see Stallone in Rock Hard 4, or Clooney in that new comedy Touch My Tookas.

Step 2: How to decide

But if you have got to that stage in your relationship where you can both be brutally honest, then beware. If she loves action thrillers, and he's a sucker for fantasy adventures, then devise a method of choosing what you see. Either take it in turns, or play scissors paper stone, or just be gentlemanly about it.
If you are often at loggerheads about what to see then decide before you get there. Otherwise you might row, or be tempted to go to separate movies. This would clearly be the worst date ever, and would probably mark the end of your relationship.

Step 3: Snacks

Sometime, somewhere a movie mogul decided that popcorn should be the movie snack of choice. He was an idiot, because it is the loudest food in the world, rendering whole lines of dialogue inaudible for you- and your date.
If you must have it, try and shovel it all in before the main feature starts. Or your date will hate you.
The other paradox about popcorn is that it can only be eaten attractively in single pieces, but is only tasty in mouthfuls. So to appreciate it you are going to look disgusting. All in all, ice cream is a far better bet for a date.

Step 4: Bigness

Get rid of that big hat, or big hair. Few things are more annoying than an obscured movie screen. If your date suffers from this, then offer to switch seats; or even have a gentle word with the offender.
Also, keep big laughs to a minimum- particularly if you have a strange one. You don't want to be set upon by the rest of the audience, your date may decide she's with them...

Step 5: Reliving the movie

After the curtains close, you can judge how well the date has gone, by which scenes of the movie you end up re-enacting…