How To Have A Bellyflop Competition

Step 1: The Rules

Like other classic pastimes such as Parcheesi and beer bonging, belly-flopping competitions are steeped in rules and regulations. All that matters are two things: Style…. And Impact. Sure, you can have one without the other, but put them together, and you've got a real crowd pleaser.

Step 2: The Rounds

After everyone clears the pool, floppers take turns slamming their stomachs against the surface of the water, preferably from a diving board. After one jump each, the judges consider crowd reaction as well as relying their own discerning tastes before deciding who gets to jump again, and who has to sit it out. One-by-one, contestants are eliminated until only two remain.

Step 3: The Risks

As the competition intensifies, so does the pain… The dives will undoubtedly become more daring. This will hurt. It's part of the process. Floppers beware: sometimes trying too hard can result in the dreaded non-flop: instant grounds for elimination.

Step 4: The Rewards

Just like winning the Tour de France or the Iowa State Fair Butter Sculpting championships, there is only one winner in any belly flop competition. Whoever receives the loudest cheers and the highest marks from the judges get to go home with their pride, a little pain, and some properly earned respect.