How To Intimidate The Referee
Enlarge
How To Intimidate The Referee
Welcome to the Rudi Latka's Soccer School. In this film top manager Rudi Latka shows you how to intimidate the referee! Rudi isn't big on playing fair and has some tips to help you cheat your opponents. We don't know who he actually managed but after the producer had a visit from the Russian mafia in a sushi bar he said we had to make the films.
Step 1: Pay them a visit before the game
in their dressing room
In their home
At work
Step 2: Get to know him
John Fash Fashanu from hit TV programme Gladiators said he always learnt the names of the referees' wives and kiddies and would always ask how they were. If you know his address to he might think you have kidnapped them all.
Step 3: Appeal for everything
Offside offside, handball – lots of shouting and waving your arms in the air. Pointing is good too – our ball our ball our ball. If you shout often enough he's bound to give in and give you at least one decision just to stop the noise.
Step 4: Go eyeball to eyeball
I once stared down a pair of Lions on the Serengeti. Getting a good stare on at the referee will get him really worried about you. Intensify the stare by getting up really close don't blink or he wins. When you've got him locked in the stare start bending his thoughts to your advantage
Step 5: Bribe him
Everyman has his price, some ladies do too. You can find many ways to pay the referee, pay with Yaks or maybe some nice naked ladies or maybe just hard cash.
Step 6: Abuse him
In krychistan we have many ways of insulting a referee, we compare him to a Yak, we compare his mother to a Yak but we also like to copy the Rooney and use the Englander words like ***** ****** ****** ****** ******* ******* or to combine them like he does and say ****** ****** ****** ****** ***** ****** ****** ***** ******* ****** *****.