How To Join The Mile High Club
An essential guide for all air passengers. Make a flight go quicker and take your mind off the turbulence by joining the mile high club.
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Step 1:
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Places to avoid
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Not all areas of a commercial airliner are suitable for this kind of activity.
Places to avoid include
under someone else's seat,
in the gangway,
or next to the safety demonstration.
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Step 2:
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The loo
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This is a minefield, as other people might actually want to use it to go to the toilet. Timing is everything. Wait until most people are sleeping or watching a film. Don't go when it is likely to be busy – just after take-off, before landing, or after a meal.
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Step 3:
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Stagger your entry
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Tell your partner to go into the cubicle and leave the door unlocked. Explain that if you haven't arrived after five minutes, they should come back. This way your partner won't stay there for the whole flight if someone else has joined the queue for the toilet, or an observant air hostess has blocked you in with the drinks trolley.
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Step 4:
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Loitering air hostesses
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The best way to avoid them is to time your attempt at membership when they are handing out drinks at the other end of the plane. But time isn't on your side here, so you'll need to be quick - unless of course you're having sex with the air hostess, in which case you've all the time in the world. Just make sure if you're a celebrity to go in disguise, or at least avoid staff with a taste for publicity.
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Congratulations! You are now a member of the most exclusive club in the world. We hope you enjoyed your journey as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.
