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How To Kill A Vampire

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How To Kill A Vampire

Kill A Vampire. A guide to fighting back when faced with a member of the un-dead taking an unhealthy interest in your neck. A tongue-in-check video into killing a vampire! Kill A Vampire. A guide to fighting back when faced with a member of the un-dead taking an unhealthy interest in your neck. A tongue-in-check video into killing a vampire!

Step 1: You will need

Step 2: Recognising a vampire

Identifying a vampire quickly means you can run away before he has a chance to attack. There are a few telltale signs that the man sitting across from this innocent girl is hoping that her blood is on the menu. Look out for two sharp fang-like teeth, that a vampire uses to bite into his victims. If you see him during the day lurking in the shadows, it is because a vampire will burn up in direct sunlight. This also means that a vampire doesn't get much opportunity to top up his tan, so look out for a pasty complexion. If there is still any doubt, check his reflection. If he's a vampire he won't have one.

Step 3: Warding off a vampire

Worried that a vampire is close by? Relax! It is known that vampires cannot stand to be close to garlic, so keep at least one clove handy at all times. If that doesn't drive him away, try wearing a cross, a symbol that can repel this immortal monstrosity. Following up with a bible, which a demon like this cannot bear to look upon, should make him turn away and flee back into the night.

Step 4: Burning a vampire

A vampire may become obsessive about his chosen victim like you would over your favourite bar of chocolate or breakfast cereal, so he will not give up easily. If you are being constantly harassed by a vampire, the only way to stop him is to fight back. You can hurt a vampire by burning his flesh, in one of two ways. If he attacks during the day, exposing him to direct sunlight will cause his skin to burn. It is also a good idea to carry some water that has been blessed by a priest. Throwing this ‘holy water' at your attacker will have the same burning effect as sunlight. In either case, the vampire now knows you mean business, and will think twice before coming back.

Step 5: Killing a vampire

The only way to truly be safe from a vampire is to kill him. To do so, you will need to arm yourself with weapons that can do the job. A wooden stake through the heart will cause a vampire to turn to ash. It is a good idea to also take a hammer with you, in case you find you are not strong enough to pierce his flesh on your own. The other way to kill a vampire is by cutting of his head. To accomplish this, you will need to find a good quality sword. Try searching your phone book for a good local sword dealer, like Duellist Swords in London. Make sure the sword is razor sharp so that it only takes one strong blow to do the deed.

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Tips & Comments
  1. DarrenGG

    http://www.videojug.com/article/baked-chinese-spicy-kitten-cat-with-garlic-ginger

  2. iwanttobelieve

    Ok umm.....dude that put all that info about seriously believing and how to ACTUALLY kill one...you're.....SOOOOO wrong...I don't believe in it but I think it's fun to act like I do....I WANT to believe. But anyways...if you knew anything about anything you'd know first of all: the video is a joke..like...haha....yah. And second: vampires burn up in the sunlight, stakes kill them in drove through the heart, they DON'T go out in sunlight at ALL (btw I know this stuff cus I watch X-Files series and I seen Van Helsing haha and me and my friend talk about this stuff) and holy water makes there flesh burn up and they don't turn to ash but to nothingness...never heard of decapitating working..some say it does and some also say desemblement (I think meaning pulling limbs apart) vampires can jump high, and.....that's about it...I just wanted to say that to the dude who wrote A LOT and who was so serious...every1 knows that's what WOULD kill vampires IF they were real. :P ~*~I want to believe~*~

  3. Anonymous

    omg that is all lies u can't do that.... thats just wrong to do anyways the stuff she said is all LIES!

  4. Anonymous

    I use to be heavily involved with the occult before I became a Christian and strange things use to happen to me all the time. My bed would shake, I would hear footsteps in the middle of the night when everyone was a sleep, and even felt something pulling my hair in the middle of the night. It happened to me a few times after I became a Christian, too. Then one day I was talking to my brother who is a pastor, he told me to say.. "In the name of Jesus Christ, I cast you away from me Satan." Say it out loud and over and over. Satan and demons tremble in fear at Jesus's name. When it happened again, I said it out loud and it stopped.

  5. Anonymous

    To the last comment.. you may have demons in your house instead of vampires. Say out loud, "In the name of Jesus Christ, I cast you away from me Satan." Satan and demons tremble in fear at the name of Jesus!

  6. Anonymous

    H-E-L-P My story is real. I just moved in with my ex-wife 3 months ago and its seems the V-A-M-P-I-R-E-S know I am there. I am a programmer and work on PC very late 10pm-6pm. Since the past 3 months, i've noticed strange noises in the house (living room/kitchen) between 12.05-12-35am and 5.05-5.35am. Also, I have been noticing many long needle-like scratches on by body (abdomen and hands). There is always a new long scratch every night on my skin and does not seem to go away. My e-wife does not believe me, she said I scratch myself or I must see a doctor. I made her stay late night to witness the strange noises on two occasions and touch the scratches on my skin. We even heard a bird-like sound in the kitchen one night to my amazement. In the past four days, I've kept the lights on in the room where I work and sleep. I don't have a cross but I drew a cross on a paper with God and Jesus on it and that seem to have worked this two days. I have a bible but I'm looking for it as my luggage is packed in the celler. I do not fear Vampires and will not give into their blood sucking taste of my blood. I am currently researching on how to fight back and bumped into this site. Seems the video here is good to try. Never believed in Vampires or Witches so it may be the reason why I am a prey to this devils...But they have come to the wrong person. I am and have always and will always be very religious. God is everything to me and Jesus is my strenght. Can someone here tell me in a very simple language how I can see off these unwanted evil guests. Advise welcomed from Christains and non-evil V-A-M-P-I-R-E-S.

  7. Anonymous

    LMAO this video was funny! I almost fell outta my chair! ok so how many vampires do you know that walk around with fangs poppin out their head? I've spoke to someone that said they were a vampire. Were they? I dunno and I prefer not to ask them to prove it; however they looked perfectly human and walked in sunlight like it was nothing. They weren't to thrilled with garlic, but seeing as how they have a stronger sense of smell (I say that because if they can smell pharamones from fear??) I don't think I'd particularly fond of the smell myself... If a vampire wants you and you don't have a way to blow their head off or cause massive damage to the head you better just beg them to kill you quickly.

  8. Anonymous

    Love how people take this vid serious :P

  9. coffeypal

    lol Duh that's because Buffy had super slayer strength. But some of the other gang members on the scooby gang of Buffy might need a hamme r lol. ;).

  10. coffeypal

    LOl. Rofl. This was very very very very very funny. I was not expecting this. lol. Thanks. :). I need this perk up. I'm showing this to my sister and my fianc'e. :). lol. omg. *tummy hurts from laughter.