How To Kill A Vampire

Question - will a bible-on-tape work? How about holy water blessed by a child-abusing priest, it's so hard to find one not under indictment for some sexual misbehavior or another. Good gravy, how can anyone worry so much about supernatural dangers, when there are so many living-next-door dangers to deal with every day. And yes, I know the video is a joke, but some of these comments are just - well, too long and detailed (and serious, I think??) and so missing the humour.

I use to be heavily involved with the occult before I became a Christian and strange things use to happen to me all the time. My bed would shake, I would hear footsteps in the middle of the night when everyone was a sleep, and even felt something pulling my hair in the middle of the night. It happened to me a few times after I became a Christian, too. Then one day I was talking to my brother who is a pastor, he told me to say.. "In the name of Jesus Christ, I cast you away from me Satan." Say it out loud and over and over. Satan and demons tremble in fear at Jesus's name. When it happened again, I said it out loud and it stopped.

H-E-L-P My story is real. I just moved in with my ex-wife 3 months ago and its seems the V-A-M-P-I-R-E-S know I am there. I am a programmer and work on PC very late 10pm-6pm. Since the past 3 months, i've noticed strange noises in the house (living room/kitchen) between 12.05-12-35am and 5.05-5.35am. Also, I have been noticing many long needle-like scratches on by body (abdomen and hands). There is always a new long scratch every night on my skin and does not seem to go away. My e-wife does not believe me, she said I scratch myself or I must see a doctor. I made her stay late night to witness the strange noises on two occasions and touch the scratches on my skin. We even heard a bird-like sound in the kitchen one night to my amazement. In the past four days, I've kept the lights on in the room where I work and sleep. I don't have a cross but I drew a cross on a paper with God and Jesus on it and that seem to have worked this two days. I have a bible but I'm looking for it as my luggage is packed in the celler. I do not fear Vampires and will not give into their blood sucking taste of my blood. I am currently researching on how to fight back and bumped into this site. Seems the video here is good to try. Never believed in Vampires or Witches so it may be the reason why I am a prey to this devils...But they have come to the wrong person. I am and have always and will always be very religious. God is everything to me and Jesus is my strenght. Can someone here tell me in a very simple language how I can see off these unwanted evil guests. Advise welcomed from Christains and non-evil V-A-M-P-I-R-E-S.

Love how people take this vid serious :P

LOl. Rofl. This was very very very very very funny. I was not expecting this. lol. Thanks. :). I need this perk up. I'm showing this to my sister and my fianc'e. :). lol. omg. *tummy hurts from laughter.

Things you (SERIOUSLY) need to know about Vampires... for you believers and nonbelievers. Vampires DO NOT burst into flames upon exposure to sunlight. Sunlight causes neural pathways to fire randomly in the vampire brain, rendering them weak, but still very much powerful. (Remember this) Crosses DO NOT Repel vampires. Regardless of how much faith you place in it or whom it was blessed by. Garlic DOES NOT repel vampires. It's fabled that pungent odors drive off vampires.. However, this method of deterrence is unreliable and certainly won't work on an experienced vampire. Holy water DOES NOT burn the skin or flesh of vampires. It's a Christian belief ~ holy water, or any water for that matter, has little to effect on vampires, Unless drowned by. Vampires do not fly. while they do possess extraordinary leaping ability (vampires have been observed leaping over fences 20 feet high), vampires cannot fly. Vampires Won't die if you attempt drive a steak through their heart..vampires can easily survive injuries to the Chest and Heart. Vampires sleeping in Coffins has nothing to do with their sleeping preference.. The truth is, vampires will sleep wherever they feel safe. As strong as an Actual vampire really is. It/They can be killed.. Not by holy salt, or cross bow arrows to the heart, But by decapitation or massive damage to the brain and cranium I.e 16. ~ 20. ~ 12. Gauge Shot Gun Round. The shotgun is a superb weapon against vampires. As I've said before, vampires are pragmatic hunters, and the sight of someone brandishing a shotgun is very likely to make them pull back. Vampire Survival.. Do not trust some one who tells you they are a vampire, no matter how long you've known them before uncovering truths that weren't meant to be discovered. Even if they've been your friend for 5 years.. you cannot trust them..If a Vampire tells you that You are secretly a Vampire also..they are lying, Vampires are charismatic sociopaths and will charm their way to bend the odds in their favor.. They can manipulate feelings make you feel safe in their presence, and have a very long life span to give you time for security and closure.. The truth is No vampire can be trusted unless That Vampire is standing with you against an opposition of Vampires. IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!! If you encounter one vampire, there is probably another more nearby Vampires hunts in packs and prefer to have one vampire act as a sort of scout. The scout vampire will try to drive you toward a confined area where the others are hiding. You must not let this happen. Do not run away from them! They are faster than you, and when they sense fear or panic they become more aggressive... You're better off charging at them. (But I wouldn't advise that) Be alert ~ a Vampire can easily blend into its surroundings. Remember, the person walking toward you on the street one night might not be a person at all. Make noise, Vampires do not like attention and prefer to operate under the radar. The longer they can hunt undetected, the better for them. If you shout, scream and generally make a racket, they may decide you are more trouble than you are worth. Be fierce and aggressive Vampires are discriminating in their hunt. Given a choice, they will always go after the weakest humans. If you assert yourself early in the struggle and show them you know how to fight, they very likely will pull back and look for easier prey. (Sadly this isn't always the case.. If you are hunted by a Vampire it's going to it's going to try hard to silence you) Be Careful..There are more than one type of Vampire, Some can render you weak and fatigued by 'psychic' Feeding from your 'spirit' Which is basically spooky terms for preying off of your neruologic pathways ( the Electricity in our brain and muscles.. and no..I'm not kidding ) You need to loop the current and ground yourself. This can be done by simply bringing together the tips of your thumb and middle finger of each hand to form two circles. Then, bring your hands together to form interlocking circles. All vampires are Mentally adept.. and have an ability to possess the overall will of a lesser mind.. Studies haven't concluded how it's done.. humans call it 'Magic' but that aside, Vampires are a force we aren't prepared for.. From what I've been told by one who claims to be one..They're here to watch, Play good and evil..Some Looked at as Angels and as Demons..Saviors and Tormentors. If you are to ever stand alone against a real Vampire, Be sharp , Calm , And willing to Die. (I hope this helped, my strength and hope goes out to those who will need it. I'm very sorry to those of you who searched this silly movie looking for answers on how to kill an actual vampire..)

Vamps are not dead, and a bible or cross or garlic wont hurt them. And the water it dont have to be "holy" normal water form sink will work, but its not gonna kill.(its like hot water on human skin,it has same effect on vamps,just dont have to be hot).Since they recover pretty much faster than humans,if you dont push him in a pool,water wont work. And the sunlight, yea sunlight burns, but they can handle 2-3 mins walk with sunlight. Again since they recover very fast shooting with pistols will only cause holes and wont hurt them. If you want to really hurt or kill them, yea sword will work.Cutting their head makes them dead. Cutting their arms will make them armless etc. The easiest way to kill a vamp is shotguns and close shoots.

Things you (SERIOUSLY) need to know about Vampires... for you believers and nonbelievers. Vampires DO NOT burst into flames upon exposure to sunlight. Sunlight causes neural pathways to fire randomly in the vampire brain, rendering them weak, but still very much powerful. (Remember this) Crosses DO NOT Repel vampires. Regardless of how much faith you place in it or whom it was blessed by. Garlic DOES NOT repel vampires. It's fabled that pungent odors drive off vampires.. However, this method of deterrence is unreliable and certainly won't work on an experienced vampire. Holy water DOES NOT burn the skin or flesh of vampires. It's a Christian belief ~ holy water, or any water for that matter, has little to effect on vampires, Unless drowned by. Vampires do not fly. while they do possess extraordinary leaping ability (vampires have been observed leaping over fences 20 feet high), vampires cannot fly. Vampires Won't die if you attempt drive a steak through their heart..vampires can easily survive injuries to the Chest and Heart. Vampires sleeping in Coffins has nothing to do with their sleeping preference.. The truth is, vampires will sleep wherever they feel safe. As strong as an Actual vampire really is. It/They can be killed.. Not by holy salt, or cross bow arrows to the heart, But by decapitation or massive damage to the brain and cranium I.e 16. ~ 20. ~ 12. Gauge Shot Gun Round. The shotgun is a superb weapon against vampires. As I've said before, vampires are pragmatic hunters, and the sight of someone brandishing a shotgun is very likely to make them pull back. Vampire Survival.. Do not trust some one who tells you they are a vampire, no matter how long you've known them before uncovering truths that weren't meant to be discovered. Even if they've been your friend for 5 years.. you cannot trust them..If a Vampire tells you that You are secretly a Vampire also..they are lying, Vampires are charismatic sociopaths and will charm their way to bend the odds in their favor.. They can manipulate feelings make you feel safe in their presence, and have a very long life span to give you time for security and closure.. The truth is No vampire can be trusted unless That Vampire is standing with you against an opposition of Vampires. IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!! If you encounter one vampire, there is probably another more nearby Vampires hunts in packs and prefer to have one vampire act as a sort of scout. The scout vampire will try to drive you toward a confined area where the others are hiding. You must not let this happen. Do not run away from them! They are faster than you, and when they sense fear or panic they become more aggressive... You're better off charging at them. (But I wouldn't advise that) Be alert ~ a Vampire can easily blend into its surroundings. Remember, the person walking toward you on the street one night might not be a person at all. Make noise, Vampires do not like attention and prefer to operate under the radar. The longer they can hunt undetected, the better for them. If you shout, scream and generally make a racket, they may decide you are more trouble than you are worth. Be fierce and aggressive Vampires are discriminating in their hunt. Given a choice, they will always go after the weakest humans. If you assert yourself early in the struggle and show them you know how to fight, they very likely will pull back and look for easier prey. (Sadly this isn't always the case.. If you are hunted by a Vampire it's going to it's going to try hard to silence you) Be Careful..There are more than one type of Vampire, Some can render you weak and fatigued by 'psychic' Feeding from your 'spirit' Which is basically spooky terms for preying off of your neruologic pathways ( the Electricity in our brain and muscles.. and no..I'm not kidding ) You need to loop the current and ground yourself. This can be done by simply bringing together the tips of your thumb and middle finger of each hand to form two circles. Then, bring your hands together to form interlocking circles. All vampires are Mentally adept.. and have an ability to possess the overall will of a lesser mind.. Studies haven't concluded how it's done.. humans call it 'Magic' but that aside, Vampires are a force we aren't prepared for.. From what I've been told by one who claims to be one..They're here to watch, Play good and evil..Some Looked at as Angels and as Demons..Saviors and Tormentors. If you are to ever stand alone against a real Vampire, Be sharp , Calm , And willing to Die. (I hope this helped, my strength and hope goes out to those who will need it. I'm very sorry to those of you who searched this silly movie looking for answers on how to kill an actual vampire..)