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How To Know If You Are Gay, Lesbian Or Bisexual
People of all ages can be confused about their sexuality. Our film will demystify terms such as gay, straight, lesbian and bisexual, and offers advice on what to do next if you're wondering about your own sexual preferences.
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Step 1:
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What is sexual identity?
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There are three aspects to sexuality: identity, desire and behaviour.
Your identity might be heterosexual, but your desires and or behaviours might reveal otherwise.
What is heterosexual? - only being attracted to people of the opposite sex, having no sexual thoughts, feelings towards your own sex, not even being curious about what it might be like to have sex with someone of the same sex.
What is gay/lesbian - a sexual attraction to one's own sex.
What is bisexual? an attraction to both sexes (not necessarily at the same time or equally or even acted upon)
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Step 2:
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Identify your own sexuality
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This step could also be called coming out to yourself. Questioning your sexuality probably indicates you're not 100% heterosexual as most straight people have little reason to question things and few people are exclusively heterosexual in thought and deed throughout their lifetime.
What are your sexual fantasies about - mostly men? mostly women? mixture of men/women? What about sexual dreams? What happens with you mind when you're asleep and therefore blocking out any conscious negative thoughts can be an important indicator
Fancying the same sex is perfectly normal
Being curious about what it might be like to have sex with someone of same sex is bothnormal and quite common
(If you're a mostly attracted to the opposite sex, but wonder what it might be like to have sex with your own gender, then this is known as ‘bi-curious') Whilst many gay men and lesbians have known from a very early age that they were attracted to the same sex, some people realise this fact much later in life. This might be due to having suppressed their same sex attractions or perhaps never had a particular reason to question them.
If you've been sexually abused either as a child or a teenager, then it's not uncommon to be confused about your sexuality.and this may be better explored with a trained counsellor.
About 5-7% of men and women are exclusively attracted to their own sex, many more people are bisexual or have desires they don't act upon.
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Step 3:
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Research
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There is a huge amount of information available about sexuality. Most large bookstores and libraries will have a gay and lesbian section. You might find reading other people's coming out stories of interest as they often talk about how they knew they were different to their peers.
There are also many thousands of websites with useful information, and the advantage of the internet is that you can use it in the privacy of your own home.
Talking to gay people about their experiences will be hugely helpful. Many towns and cities have support groups and helplines which are often free to use. for example, in the UK try contacting PACE. Their website is www.pacehealth.org.uk.
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Step 4:
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Accept
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Once you have identified your sexuality, it's important to realise that you cannot consciously change it. Some people's sexuality may change naturally during the course of their lives, but such a change cannot be forced by yourself or by others. For further advice on how to accept your sexuality, watch the videoJug film called 'How to accept yourself as gay or lesbian.'
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