How To Lose Friends And Alienate People
Friends are needy. People are demanding. If you've had it with the human race and are ready to go it alone, follow these easy steps.
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Step 1:
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Honest To A Fault
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Honesty is a good quality, right? If your friend looks like a fat cow in that skirt, tell her so.
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Step 2:
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The Friend Who Knew Too Much
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Share your knowledge- all of it. Condescending know-it-alls are great at alienating people.
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Step 3:
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No Secrets
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Never zip your lips when a friend tells you a juicy secret- even if it means you might not have anyone left to gossip with.
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Step 4:
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Love Yourself
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Love Yourself. Even at the expense of others. Selfishness rocks!
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Step 5:
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You Be The Judge
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Go ahead, Judge Judy. Give the verdict on your friends' every choice.
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Step 6:
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Positively Negative
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There's a negative to everything- find it. Extra credit for constant complaining.
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Step 7:
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What's Yours Is Mine
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Trash anything your friends give you. And don't forget to never pick up the bill.