How To Marry Prince William

Step 1: Where to find him

Finding William isn't actually that difficult, but getting close enough to make an impression is a whole other story. William attends lots of official royal engagements, and you can find his diary of these events on www.royal.gov.uk. William's other career is as an army officer, but you won't have much luck finding him when he's on duty. A better bet would be when he's out on the town. Wills loves to party, and the British tabloids regularly publish details of the swanky London nightclubs and cocktail bars which he can be spotted in. But remember, you'll have the challenge of trying to get to him through his army of bodyguards and protective friends. And you will of course have plenty of competition from other would-be princesses. Wills also a keen sports fan, and enjoys playing and spectating at rugby, football and polo matches around the UK. Once you've caught his attention at one of these events, you then need to start making yourself part of Will's world.

Step 2: Fitting In

These days you don't have to be an aristocrat to marry into the royal family, but it does help. As always, double-barrel surnames are a great indicator of posh credentials. William has one, and you'll need one too. Adding on your mother's maiden name should do the job. A cockney screech just won't cut it - you need the clipped vowels of a princess to fit in at Buckingham Palace and Windsor.

Step 3: Look the part

To be a princess, you need to look like a princess. Think tasteful and expensive, not overly sexy. The key is finding the right balance between glamorous and demure. You don't want to look too conservative. And grooming is paramount. William's future wife has to look immaculate at all times. When exiting a nightclub at dawn you need to look like you've been sipping water all night.

Step 4: Have a job

To avoid accusations of gold-digging, make sure you have a career of your own before you start courting the prince. It should be an interesting, but non-threatening job. Something like PR or television is ideal. And it needs to be a job with flexible hours, because you'll need lots of time for society events and luxury holidays.

Step 5: Your other relationship

No, we don't mean adultery. The other big relationship in your life will be with the British media. Prepare for attention and scrutiny on an unimaginable scale. Every inch of your life will have a camera lens poked into it. Any girl who dates William won't be able to sneeze without being photographed. And if you have skeletons in your cupboard, be assured that they will be found. Your past record has to be whiter than white if you want a place in the Royal Family.

Step 6: If you do marry

One day, Wills will be King – which means you would be Queen. This won't be easy. You'll have to share him with his military career, charitable work and many royal engagements. On top of this, you'll have the duty of producing an heir and a spare. This should be done promptly after marriage, and not a minute before. On the other hand, you'll be embarking on a life of unimaginable wealth and privilege. So, if none of this puts you off, then go ahead and accept William's proposal. And hopefully, you'll live happily ever after...