How To Remove All Evidence Of Grotty Porn From Your Computer

Step 1: Delete your History

The last thing you need when your other half starts typing in the address bar is for her to be offered a hundred thousand alternatives pointing towards ‘horny this' and ‘nubile that'. All browsers offer the option to clear the address bar and auto-fill search terms in Google, so do it. It's normally under Tools or Options or something.

Step 2: Cookies

Sites like to save a little text file to your PC so they can remember you and, in the case of porn sites, presumably so they can provide you with exactly the right-shaped tits upon your return. These are typically titled with the name of the sinful site you visited, so they have to go. Open up where they're stored, and delete the lot.

Step 3: Make sure

If you've got time, you can make sure all the XXX material is gone by doing an image search. Internet piccies tend to be jpegs or gifs, so go to Search and look for *.jpeg or *.gif on your C drive. This'll bring up every jpeg on the drive – scour down the thumbnails and investigate any pink fleshy-toned ones thoroughly. Oh – and keep an eye out for the .mov, .mpeg, .avi and .wmv extensions. They're the filthy movies you've been downloading.

Step 4: 3rd Party Programs

Have you been playing naughty videos in a media player, or viewing filthy images through a paint package? Then their history will be sullied with your naughtiness, too. Take a moment to go through any applications you might have used and clean them up. If there's no ‘delete history' option, simply open enough non-porny files to replace them.

Step 5: Recent Items

You don't want filenames like dirtybumming.jpg hanging around in your Recent Items folder, so flush it immediately by going to the taskbar properties and unchecking the option that makes the stupid computer remember the grot.

Step 6: Specialist Equipment

Granted, you might have had enough of ‘specialist equipment' after the stuff you've been watching, but you should know that you can download software that'll single-handedly circumnavigate your PC looking for all traces of stimulating material and wipe it. Some of them have skin detection algorithms to highlight naughty images, so unless you're into kinky burka sex, that should do the trick.

Step 7: Delete files

At this point, any videos or ‘special images' you've kept hold of for posterity need to go. Delete them, and then remember to empty the Recycle Bin, too, which might have your cookies or any stray images you deleted earlier.