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How To Seduce Her Over Dinner

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How To Seduce Her Over Dinner

How To Seduce Her Over Dinner

Wine and dine your way into her pants by pudding


Step 1:

Your mission explained

Bad news fella, all the literature is against you: the idea of putting out on the first night is sacrilegious to the modern girl. You need to undo years of programming that men are 'only after one thing.'

You need to give off an intoxicating mix of romance, charm, and raw shaggability,so that she forgets all her training, and her chastity belt ends up round her ankles......

Step 2:

Conversation

Listen with interest to everything she says. Try and avoid 'mind drift', where you start thinking about something else, and don't really pay attention. Try 'active listening'. Laugh, nod, mirror her actions, and only interrupt to encourage her and demand more detail.

She will feel like a wonderful conversationalist, and that you really connect.

When she is all talked out, lay on the charm with a trowel....but do it cleverly. Don't go for extravagant, clichéd compliments about the way she looks.

Tell her she is perceptive, witty, and that you love the way she talks. Tell her something she hasn't heard before - if you're going to use physical compliments, make them funny, or unusual.

Maybe you like her thumbs, or her asymmetric hairstyle. Don't mention parts of the body that may cause offence, or she may have a complex about.

Step 3:

Physical contact

Restaurants make it difficult to get up close and personal by positioning chairs opposite each other to get as many diners in as possible.

But break out of the seating plan and gradually move your chair round the table.

If you're not getting knocked back yet, instigate a bit of physical contact by playing footsie.

If this is getting a positive response, try touching her hand by 'accidentally' going for the wrong glass.

If she looks like the kind of girl who enjoys her food, ask her if she wants to try yours. It'll help here if you've ordered food that melts, is an aphrodisiac, or contains chocolate.

Step 4:

Close the deal

OK, it's going well- You may decide that you both have the potential for a grown-up relationship, in which case you may want to re-think the whole 'pants by pudding' mission- as a silly, disrespectful idea.

But if you feel that this might only be a brief encounter, now is the time to act decisively:

Out of nowhere, ask for sex.... obviously not in those words. You can wonder whether she'd like to come back for coffee, or whether she'd like to come back and play chess, or see your collection of matchboxes. Anything that puts you and her together, alone, is promising.

However, don't assume anything....if she's distracted by her phone,

or goes to the loo a lot, she may be looking for escape routes. Don't hassle her for more dates, or try and convince her to come back to yours if she's hesitant.

If, however, she's giving you the green light, eat your dessert, pay the bill, and don't ruin it by going home on the bus. Pay out for a taxi, she's worth it.

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    Anonymous  (133 days ago)

    are neal and sarah a real couple??? or are they just comedians who work together?

    Anonymous  (191 days ago)

    silly information :)(

    1 out of 1 person found this comment helpful ilkcan  (246 days ago)

    awesome!!!! =D perfect couple

    2 out of 3 people found this comment helpful SamdaSinginLawyer  (265 days ago)

    "and simply regard the pants by pudding idea as a bad, disrespectful idea" the look on their faces at that one had me nearly spewing Dr. Pepper all over the screen on that one. hilarious stuff.

    0 out of 1 person found this comment helpful lilsparxx  (303 days ago)

    its really great

    3 out of 3 people found this comment helpful Anonymous  (333 days ago)

    neal and sarah are ACE!

    2 out of 2 people found this comment helpful caesar  (334 days ago)

    Neal and Sarah are brillantly funny thanks for the tips I use them next time

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