How To Seduce Your Boss
Seducing your boss is an ill advised activity. But if you are intent on picking up your boss, here's our guide to seducing them.
-
Step 1:
-
Before you act
-
Flirting above your pay grade is very risky. Are you expecting to settle down with the boss for ever more? No. Then inevitably at some point the relationship will turn sour, and they have power over your career. So, before you start something you won't be able to control, weigh up your options: love of job versus love of boss.
-
Step 2:
-
Kick things off
-
Okay, so we've established it's not your head that makes your major decisions. Time to get flirting. Don't jump in with chat up lines, or get touchy feely - this screams sex pest. Start subtly by holding the boss' gaze for a little longer than necessary.
Scrumptiously cross paths more often, be there to hold doors open, smile when you see them and as you see more of them, use first names. A deep, seductive 'Morning Penny' will work wonders. All quick easy ways to get your boss to notice you as more than an employee..
-
Step 3:
-
Get suggestive
-
Now take things up a notch. Comment on how you admire their dress sense. Move into their personal space. Cause some friction by 'accidentally' brushing against an arm or shoulder.
WARNING
If any of these receive a less than a positive response abort the mission immediately. You still haven't done anything worthy of a sexual harassment case and can get out with your dignity intact.
However, if you are getting good signals back. And by this we mean; extended eye contact, hair flicking, lip licking or touching, move on to the next step.
-
Step 4:
-
Be available
-
If your boss asks you to assist in them office, or requests that you stay late, do it. In boss terms, this is a first date. You willingness to accommodate their needs will go in your favour.
-
Step 5:
-
Go for the kill
-
By now you both know what's on the cards and your boss may even make the first move. If not, let them know you find attractive and would love to take them for a drink after work, and see where things progress from here. Just make sure you can't be spotted by prying colleagues.
-
Step 6:
-
Prepare for repercussions
-
Conducting a secret affair at work can do wonders for your relationship, you could be in for a few great months of canoodling in the washrooms, and after hours desk-based action. Or it could all be over within a week, when the novelty has worn off. And with it goes your promised promotion. Don't say we didn't warn you.