How To Seduce Your Secretary

Step 1: Eliminate the competition

Powerful and alluring as you are, you need to make sure that you are the most desirable person your secretary comes across in his day to day. If you have a particularly dangerous rival, send her off to work on a project FAR AWAY from him. Preferably you should get her transferred to your Nova Scotia office, but if that's not possible the other end of the room will suffice - and make sure she has LOTS of work dealing with your most difficult clients. For added effect, get your secretary to spend a lot of time with the smelliest person in your office. After that, the sight of you will be a positive delight.

Step 2: Working conditions

Make sure your secretary has cause to pop into your office regularly - and make it an appealing place to spend time so he wants to linger. It should be warm and welcoming with plenty of comfy chairs, executive toys and some special treats for your favourite employee.

Turn the temperature in your office up by a degree or two - this gives you an excuse to bear a little flesh and might persuade him to loosen up a bit, too. Make sure the air conditioning blows full blast in other areas though, encouraging your rivals to layer up.

Step 3: Errands

Use your position of power to make your secretary aware of your bristling sexuality. Ask him very nicely to go and pick up your laundry (you know it's not in his job description but you're so very busy and important, and he'd be doing you a tremendous favour). Make sure it contains some provocative lingerie or lacy nightwear to get his imagination running.
If he arranges your diary, ask him to schedule in your next course of pole dancing lessons (apparently its a wonderful way to keep in shape).

Step 4: Fielding calls

You need a way of moving conversation - and his interest in you - beyond the confines of the working day. Subtly find out what he enjoys in his spare time, and arrange some strategic phone calls that make him think you like the same thing. If he's a pet-lover, ask the RSPCA to call you back about a substantial donation you'd like to make - then make sure he picks up the return call. If he loves classical music, get the royal opera house to call with details of their ticket prices- you get the idea.

Step 5: Working late

As the next tight deadline approaches, engineer a late night, office-based tête-à-tête. To alleviate the stress, crack open a bottle of wine and once you're done invite him for a further celebratory drink. If you've laid your groundwork successfully, things should flow easily from here.

Step 6: Repercussions

Sustaining a long-term relationship with a junior employee may present its own challenges - not least if things turn sour. Of course, as the boss you might have the power to arrange a strategic transfer - but if not, you may just have to put up with a lifetime of terrible coffee and misdirected phone calls.