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How To Shower: Men VS Women

How To Shower: Men VS Women

The simple truth about men's bathroom habits compared to women's.

Step 1: Shower Like A Woman

Well, how to shower like a woman. Firstly you need to take off your clothing.

Place it in a sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband on the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc.

Turn on shower. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passionfruit. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs.

Get out of shower and stand directly on bathmat. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

Step 2: Shower Like A Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk to the bathroom naked. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo-sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Turn on shower. Wash face. Spend majority of time washing privates. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat. Dry off forearms and butt only. Shake weiner and watch water fly off. If you pass wife, pull of towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.