How To Speak Geek

Step 1: LOL

LOL – Laugh out Loud: I am laughing out loud at your comment. Feel free to use this even though it's unlikely to be strictly-speaking true, and in reality you're just smirking a bit. Inwardly.

Step 2: ROFL

ROFL –Rolling on Floor Laughing: your post was so very humerous, I am genuinely rolling around on the floor laughing at it. Feel free to use this even though it's definitely unlikely to be strictly-speaking true.

Step 3: LMAO

LMAO – Laugh my Arse Off: this was so funny, the resulting laughter caused my rectum to prolapse. WTF is that all about?

Step 4: WTF

WTF – What the F***. What on Earth? Used to express disbelief in a subject. For example “WTF is this film all about?”

Step 5: NSFW

NSFW – Not Safe For Work. Warning: the link I've supplied goes to naughty and/ or pornographic material. Presumably goatse, or some such. Don't click it at work, like a total noob.

Step 6: Noob

Noob – a newbie. Generally used as an insult. Someone who doesn't understand the way things work yet, and as such is prone to making simple errors.

Step 7: Pwn

Pwn or Own: to be better than, or to beat in a humiliating fashion. Example: “I pwned that Noob” – generally used in the context of online gaming: I beat that new player: he sucks b4lls.

Step 8: 1337

1337 speak – leet, short for ‘elite'; used exclusively by nerds who somehow seem to believe they're better than letters, and so try to type using numbers and characters instead. Example: “Ph33r |\/|y 1337 sk1llz! j00 sux0r”: ‘my skills are extremely impressive, and as such you should well be afraid of them. You suck.'

Step 9: W00t

W00t- oh good. Spelled with zeros for O's, obviously. 1337 sp33k FTW.

Step 10: FTW

FTW – For the Win: this thing is good. Example: ‘Films about geek slang FTW'.

Step 11: FTL

FTL – For the Loss: opposite of FTW: this thing is rubbishy beyond repair. Example: ‘Films about geek slang are so 1997. This film FTL.'

Step 12: TLDR

TLDR – too long, didn't read: the article you referred to or wrote was long, and as such I could not be bothered to read what it said.

Step 13: OMG

OMG – Oh My God, I genuinely – and I'm not lying here -- cannot believe it: by crimmeny.

Step 14: ZOMG

ZOMG – variation of Oh My God, used nigh-on exclusively by geeks. Potentially infers sarcasm as to the level of disbelief. Example: ‘ZOMG does this film rock.'

Feel free to try out some of this so-called “internet speak” in the comments section below. We suggest starting with simply: ‘ZOMG, this film is l4m3'.

Good luck!