How To Spy On Your Partner

Step 1: What's he up to when I'm not home?

All of these harmless looking everyday objects have a hidden camera and microphone in them. The camera has a lens only 2 mm wide, but it is still capable of full colour video pictures. So why not get a working CD alarm clock for your bedroom, a girly book that he'll never touch for the bookshelf in your lounge, or a new wall clock for the kitchen?

All of these cameras can send the video to your computer for recording, but hey? who wants to be tied to a computer all day, when you can receive the video direct to your mobile phone?

Step 2: What's he doing at work?

Okay, so the home is safe now. But we all know that the work place is not the environment to leave a partner unsupervised. To create an adequately safe space at work, you're going to need to enlist someone at his workplace.

Meet Pele. Pele has agreed to help Sarah, because James keeps stealing his stationery.

Pele's going to replace James' mouse with this Ultra High Frequency transmitter. It works the same as any other mouse, while transmitting all sound within 10 metres to a UHF receiver which has a digital recorder attached. Unfortunately those pesky people at the EU have made it illegal to use UHF technology within their jurisdiction. But never fear, you can always just place this 4-way socket extension plug under his desk instead. It includes a GSM bug that you can call from your phone to hear all that's going on instead!

Of course it's not just what he's saying that needs monitoring. Sarah will also need to keep a track of what James is typing as well. No problem, simply get your mole to plug this keywatcher into the back of his computer. This nifty piece of kit stores 65 thousand characters of text, all you need to do is type a password into a Word document, and everything he's typed that day will appear on the page!

Step 3: Who's he phoning?

Unfortunately, unless you are a government, Spycatcher won't help you access mobile phone conversations, but if you'd like to eavesdrop on his land line conversations they'll be happy to help you. Just take the model of phone he uses to the people at Spycatcher, and they will fit it with this lovely transmitter, which can send all conversations to a UHF receiver. Then all you need to do is get your office mole to swap the phones!

Step 4: Where is he?

Of course your partner isn't always at home or at work. And if he isn't being monitored he is a liability. So we suggest you fit this device to the bottom of his car. It is a vehicle tracker, and once fitted, it will constantly send details of its position to a satellite. Those good people at Spycatcher will then send you text alerts telling you the trackers longitude, latitude, post code and the street that it's on at regular intervals. They can even send you a web address that will show you all the places your partner's car visited over any defined period. If any of them strike you as suspicious just select it and you will get details of the location including the time it was visited!

Step 5: Is he lying?

So you've bugged his workplace, set-up cameras in the home, monitored phone calls and tracked his movements, but how can you really tell that you have a faithful partner? Well, why not phone him with a disguised voice? All you need is a Voice modulator. This device allows you to speak in the voice of another man or woman. Why not tell him you met him on a night out when he was particularly drunk, and he gave you his number. If he tries to arrange a date you've got him! If he says "I'm sorry but I have a girlfriend, whom I love very much, and so could not possibly meet, despite any comments I made when inebriated" - well, then you really should be ashamed of yourself!