How To Stop Commitment Phobia
Do you mention making a commitment, and he's out the door faster than you can say Vera Wang bridal wear? Here's the film for you, commitment phobia can be crippling, so here's how to deal with it.
Step 1: Spotting a commitment phobe
Ask yourself the following;
Does he have a history of only short term relationships?
Does he avoid meeting friends and family with you?
Does he lavish you with attention, but then pull away when you discuss the relationship?
Does he hate planning ahead?
If most of the answers are Yes, we have a problem.
Step 2: Keep your independence
Becoming totally dependant on anyone, let alone a commitment phobe is the worst thing you can do. It makes his fears of entrapment worse, and will also leave you without a life, whether it goes horribly wrong or not.
Have nights out without him, book a holiday with the girls, take up Krav Maga if that floats your boat. Make your life about you, and he can come along for the ride if he wants.
Step 3: Give him room
The fear of taking that extra step seems to come from this far flung idea that his life will change beyond recognition if he makes a teensiest commitment. You say 'Let's go on a trip next month', he hears 'I want to control your life and boil your bunny' Assure him this won't happen.
Don't make him give up his space, guy's nights out or Saturday sports sessions. And if he wants to spend the evening by himself, fine, you have your own stuff to be getting on with anyway.
Step 4: Be honest
Don't play games, especially that withholding-sex nonsense, like that's ever a good idea. Instead have a heart to heart with him, it maybe that he's not commitment shy, he's just not that into you. Ditch him.
If he feels that things are just going too fast, fine, agree to reasses the situation in 6 months time. But make it clear what you are looking for - if you are after completely opposite things, then honey, is up to you to either live with that, or call it quits.
He may really want to commit but, hey, it's called a phobia for a reason. Like any phobia there is councilling, it has to be entirely his decision if he wants help.
So, it seems once the straight talking's done, it's all down to the person with the phobia to want to help themselves. You either wait it out or move it on.
