How To Swear Creatively

Step 1: Religion is sacred

Don't go knocking people's Gods, they are sacred, and you could end up getting struck by them, or by lightning.

Instead invoke the names of old Gods. no one cares about them any more!. The Romans, The Ancient Greeks, The Anglo Saxons - they all loved a good swear. How about...
By The Beard of Jupiter!

Great Poseidon's watery balls!

Thor bescitan! (may Thor **** on your head!)

Step 2: Body talk

People's naughty bits are great for a good swear, but there are plenty of lesser known body bits that can sound just as rude...

Stick it up your duodenum!
You are such an urethra!
Blow it out of your terminal ileum!
You great Bronchus!
Say that again and I'll tear you a new sigmoid!

Step 3: Your Mother

Everyone loves a good 'your mum' joke, so If you want to insult someone's nearest and dearest, try these:

Your mum's so fat she bleeds gravy
Your mum's so hairy you were born with carpet burns
Your mum's so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped her face
Your mum's so stupid she tripped over a cordless phone
Your mum's so heavy her elevator only goes down

Step 4: Obscure Languages

To confuse and annoy, there is nothing like swearing in an obscure foreign language. Try...

Tarado entrenado (Argentine- trained moron) or... Orospu Cocugu (Turkish- son of a bitch)
Muli lap'oa (Samoan- fat ass)
Gaidzio kiausai - gay-jaa kay-oh-shay (Lithuanian- rooster balls)

That'll do it. We know it's a bit random but give it a shot, or just **** off.