Stop Fighting Top Tips
Arguing is a normal part of any relationship and even can make your relationship stronger - but constant bickering can wear you down. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall gives her top tips to help you stop fighting.
Step 5: Relax
If you're already tense, an argument is likely to escalate more quickly. Use basic relaxation techniques: keep your breathing deep and slow, relax your muscles and calm your voice. Being relaxed will help you keep calm and avoid a shouting match.
Step 4: Watch your language
Try not to be provocative with your language. Start sentences with "I", not "you":
for example, "I felt angry when you forgot to replace the milk" rather than "you made me angry when you forgot the milk."
Don't use absolutes like "never" and "always". If you say "you never do the washing up" you will put your partner on the defensive, and they will respond with "well what last Tuesday...?"
Be respectful in your language, too. Don't be abusive or call your partner names.
Step 3: Big Brother
Imagine someone else is watching you have the argument. You'll be surprised at how this affects the way you talk to each other.
Step 2: Use a code word
Agree a word that either of you can use to call time out if you feel that things are getting out of hand. Then take an agreed amount of time apart before coming back together to continue the discussion in a more positive way.
Step 1: Take turns
Use an object - a wooden spoon, for example - that can act like a talking stick: Whoever is holding the object talks, uninterrupted, while the other person listens. When they're done, they hand over the object and listen while their partner talks. This is a great way of making sure both partners feel they've had the chance to speak and be listened to.
