The Realm Of Bizarre News 10: The World Of Bizarre Medicine
What? It’s not the World of Bizarre News at all! It’s the World of Bizarre Medicine! Are we in (dare I say it?) Bizarro Land?! Is this a place where sutures are a thing of the past? Is it a place where cracking your knuckles doesn’t give you arthritis? Is it a place where Dr. Ruehl meows like a cat? Yes! Yes! Yes!
Step 1: Bizarre News Introduction
Welcome once again ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls to “The Realm Of Bizarre News”, I'm your host Dr. Franklin Ruhel and today a very special edition, the world of bizarre medicine. Yes I said bizarre medicine.
Step 2: Gecko Origins
But first the trivia question of the day, let me extricate it from this paper prison. The question: "From which language does the term Gecko originate?" Multiple choice, inverse alphabetical order, is it Turkish, Russian, Malaysian or Flemish? Now the prize, the only prize is one pat on the back that you'll have to administer to yourself. A heck of a lot better then a slap on the belly with a wet trout!
Now Harvard and MIT researchers have just announced the have just developed a new surgical bandage based on the Gecko’s amazing ability to adhere to slippery surfaces such as glass. It turns out that Gecko’s have millions of tiny rough surfaces on their paws called nanoscales pillars. This technology allows the new surgical bandage to be used for internal and external wounds, even so called wet wounds. They're also biodegradable so they'll dissolve. This will mean the end of sutures and the painful extraction they require. Yes, an amazing breakthrough caused by the Gecko. Yes, thank you.
Now for that trivia question, again, what is the language from which the term Gecko originates? Is that Turkish, Russian, Malaysian or Flemish? Is that your final answer, Flemish? No, it's Malaysian. It's based on the sound that the Gecko makes. It's the only lizard that makes a sound other than hissing, how about that?
Step 3: Medication
Now here's a bottle of used medication, instead of flushing it down the toilet the recommendation is that you add it to used coffee grounds or used kitty litter so it doesn't contaminate the environment. Meow! By the way, there is a new study just released, that those who own cats have a 30% reduction in the chances of having a heart attack. Yes, meow!
Step 4: Knuckle Crack
Now lets look in the little black bag and see what's in here, we'll find out. It's a human hand, do you see that? Any time I see a human hand I want to crack the knuckles. Ooh, ooww, ooh! Some people believe that cracking knuckling causes arthritis of the hand. But a 1987 study showed that was not the case and a Dr. Frederick Unger from Thousand Oaks, California used himself as a human guinea pig.
or fifty years he cracked his knuckles and went, ooww, ooh, but not the other hand. After the time was up he found no difference between the two hands. There is no arthritis caused by cracking the knuckles, so it's harmless to do. It may bother other people but it's harmless for you. The sound comes from pressing snovial fluid in each knuckle joint. Oww, ooh, I'm sorry, I had to show them that, I'll make it up to you, I'm very sorry about that.
Step 5: Medical Deaths
Now, lets open the vault of strange medical deaths and see what we have here. She should have checked out the staff. This pertains to a woman who went in for plastic surgery in Charlotte, North Carolina five years ago. She died on the operating table, they thought it was just an accident, now five years later the nurse has been arrested for murder.
It turned out that the two women had been classmates in high school, thirty years before, and the patient had stolen the nurse's boyfriend. The nurse never forgot and finally had her opportunity for revenge. So what I want to say is first of all try to avoid going in for surgery if you can. If you must go in check out the staff, the interns, nurses and doctors, just in case there's an old enemy lurking in the background. We can't afford to lose even one of you, our loyal viewers.
