The Realm Of Bizarre News 11: Ghost Whisperer: Paranormal Phenomena
Is our Doctor going to leave us, his valuable audience members, for the glitzy world of show business? Well, it wouldn't seem so. He was just on the show "Ghost Whisperer" and here he is, back in his old spot, to tell us about stomach worms, alien life forms, and killer lawn mowers.
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Welcome to bizarre news:
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Welcome once again ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, to the Realm of Bizarre News. I am you host, Dr. Franklin Rule. I’m going to start off with a trivia question. Let me extricate it from the paper prison. The question: What is the technical term for the fear of worms? Multiple choice, inverse alphabetical order – is it robophobia, spheksophobia, isopterophobia, or bufonophobia? Now the prize, only one prize - one pat on the back; you’ll have to administer to yourself. Heck of a lot better than a slap on the belt with a wet shovel.
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Speaking of worms:
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Now speaking of worms, there are people around the world who are ingesting parasitic worm eggs in the hope that when they mature, they will digest the fat in the individuals stomach and slenderize them. Doctors warn that the only slimming effects will come from vomiting and diarrhea being induced by those worms. So don’t use that technique. Now back to the trivia question.
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Speaking of worms...
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Again, what is the term for the fear of worms? Is that vermiphobia, spheksophobia, isopterophobia or bufonophobia? Is that your final answer? Vermiphobia? Absolutely correct, that was too darned easy. For the record, spheksophobia – fear of wasps, isopterophobia – termites, buphonophobia –toads, just in case you’re ever on that millionaire show. By the way, some individuals are using worm eggs successfully and I want to point this out just to be fair who are treating irritable bowel syndrome…but not for weight loss.
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Ghost Whisperer:
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Now hear is a ghost, and there are many reports now that on the popular TV series Ghost Whisperer there are paranormal phenomena on the set. For example, they have a photo if a phantom woman at the foot of a staircase. Now if you might notice, my face is a little black, this is something, they way they blacken my face to play a ghost in a church who had been burned to death. I was on the set two days, investigating, and could find no evidence of paranormal phenomena. I certainly think it’s in the realm of feasibility; In fact hope so because I love that show and I thank them for having me on.
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Glass life forms:
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Now, recently, Australian anthropologists have discovered a number of bizarre life forms in the deep southern ocean off Antarctica. Most interesting, these tunicates are actually glass, life forms. They have heads and tails and they are full of mineral life. They exist at extremely high pressures and extremely low temperatures. I submit to you that such entities may exist on planets beyond our solar system. They actually have developed intelligence and are the dominant species on their planet.
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Aliens?
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Back in 1953, on the TV series Space Patrol, Commander Buzz Corey, encountered intelligent mineral life with powerful psychic abilities. Fifty years later, we have the proof that such entities could exist and I think this is one more piece arguing my thesis: That the universe is, literally, teeming with life. Yes!
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Killer lawn mower:
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Now let’s open the Vault of Strange Guests. Let’s see what we have here. Oh! The Unfriendly Lawn Mower. This is a Buddhist priest, living in London; he was mowing the lawn with a power mower in his pagoda. He got in front of it accidentally, and it ran him over and killed him. So, what I want to say is – If a power mower, a power lawn mower, will kill a priest – no one is safe.
If you use a lawn mower, be very careful; we can’t afford to lose even one of you out there. You are all very, valuable, audience members. Thank you. Now, until next time, may the power of the cosmos be with you.