The Realm Of Bizarre News 2: Snakeskin Eating Squirrels
This week on The Realm of Bizarre News, Dr. Ruehl discusses super smart squirrels, Madonna's strange new diet and somehow connects a monk cowl to brain surgery. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Step 1:
Welcome once again, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, to the world of bizarre news. I'm your host, Dr. Franklin Reul, and we'll start the show with a question. Let me extricate here from it's paper prison. The question: What is a term for a group of squirrels? Multiple Choice Inverse Alphabetical Order: Is that a wedge, leap, dray, or bale?
Step 2:
Now, speaking of squirrels, we have a news story showing that the California squirrel and ground squirrel actually like to nibble on snake skins. They then lick their fur to smell like snake skins because snakes have a terrible sense of smell and rely on their eyesight. This shows a great deal of intelligence on the part of the squirrels. Now for the trivia question. Here again are the four possibilities for the group of squirrels? A wedge, leap, dray, or bail. Is that your final answer?
Step 3:
It's a dray. And for the record, you have a wedge of swans, leap of lepords, and dray of turtles, just in case you're ever on that millionaire show. Just for your information.
Step 4:
Now, here is a gift and a woman in Rock Springs, Wyoming caught her husband opening a week before Christmas on Wednesday night when Christmas was next Tuesday. Sure enough, what she did is she took a Christmas knife and plunged it into his chest. I want to say it's justified, absolutely justified. Once again, no wine before it's time and no gifts before it's time.
Step 5:
Here's Madonna the songstress, and there's a report that she's going on a porridge diet. Porridge is also known as cottage. It's simply cereal or meal that's mixed with milk or water boiled until it's soft and mushy. Yuck, it's terrible. Personally I'll stick with my chocolate candy diet, it seems to be working.
Step 6:
Now it's time for the World of Bizarre Medicine. Let's see what's in the little black back, we have surgical gloves, some tape, a card, a scalpel, and the all-purpose cowl.
Step 7:
As I put on the gloves, let me say that it pertains to a case in Tanzania, Africa who needed knee surgery and was wheeled in for brain surgery and the brain surgery patient was given knee surgery that he didn't need. It's terrible! So let me put on my cowl.
Step 8:
What about a problem we had recently at the Rhode Island Hospital? So far, this year, three patients have had brain surgery on the wrong side of their brain! One actually died!
Step 9:
The solution is to take a card like you see here [it says "right"] and put it on the right side of your head. So if you see a person walking down the street with a knife and a card taped to his head, you know that he needs brain surgery.
Step 10:
And of course, present company excepted regarding that brain surgery. Now, until next time, may the power of the cosmos be with you! Yes! Yes! Yes!
