The Realm Of Bizarre News 32: Bad Vibrations
Three cheers for Doctor Ruehl! In this episode, we are regaled with a tale of strange humming noises that have been bothering the citizens of Green Bay, Wisconsin for the past two years. We also get a heartwarming story involving cash, wind, and some good Samaritans. Then the doctor opens the little black medical bag and tells something totally gross. Gross! And what episode would be complete without a visit to the Vault of Strange Deaths?
Step 1: The Realm Of Bizarre News
Welcome once again ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, to the realm of bizarre news. I'm your host Dr. Franklin Ruehl. We start off with a trivia question. What is the term for the fear of loud noises? Multiple choice, inverse alphabetical order. Is it stenophobia, ochlophobia, ligyrophobia, or brontophobia? Now the prize, the only prize. One pat on the back that you have to administer to yourself. Heck of a lot better than a slap on the belly with a wet towel.
Step 2: A Mysterious Disturbing Sound
Speaking of vibrational noises, the people of Green Bay, Wisconsin have been complaining for two years of a mysterious disturbing sound. Some hear it constantly, others intermittently, others not at all. Some have their sleep disrupted, others are stressed out, others develop migraine headaches. A $ 1000 investigation did not reveal any cause and I should point out that we've had other examples of this phenomenon over the years, beginning in 1991 in Yuhi Town AL, where it's called the Yuhi Town hum. Also, Coddlewood, AZ; Taus, New Mexico; and Haul, Massachusetts just to name a few areas.
Step 3: Extremely Low-Frequency Waves
Now, one intriguing hypothesis is that government secret projects are underway involving acoustical weapons, and they're using so-called ELF waves - that's Extremely Low-Frequency waves. Another theory, more controversial but also more intriguing, is that there are alien bases underground in each of these communities. This is a type of acoustical warfare being carried out by aliens. Sort of a Chinese water torture using sound. This may be a prelude that in time this will become widespread.
Step 4: UFO Sightings
So I recommend that some branch of our military investigate the subterranean areas of each of these communities. I'll point out that credible UFO sightings have been reported above each one, suggesting that there could possibly, just possibly, be an alien connection.
Step 5: Trivia Question
Now for the trivia question. Again, what is the fear of sound? Stenophobia, ochlophobia, ligyrophobia, or brontophobia?
Did you say ochlophobia? No, it's ligyrophobia. Stenophobia: fear of narrow places. Ochlophobia: crowd. Brontophobia: thunder.
Step 6: Good Samaritans
Now, here's a bunch of money in an envelope. A man in Torrance, CA was leaving the bank placing thousand of dollars in an envelope when he stumbled, and the bills flew all over. But 12 good Samaritans chased after the bills and returned them. Yes, returned them. He recovered 96% of his money. Three cheers for the good Samaritans of Torrance, CA. Yes, yes, yes!
Step 7: Medical Bag
Now, let's open the little black medical bag. What in the world is in here? This is a medical bag. This can't be. What are these tools doing in a medical bag? I know, a man in Shawnee, KS and his friend were working on a lattice when the friend shot a nail into his head using a nail gun, and he was rushed to the ER. The doctor didn't use surgical tools. Instead he tried first to extricate the nail with a pair of pliers. When that didn't work he used a screwdriver to loosen it up and then finally yank it out with a claw hammer. Yes, the new tools of medicine. Congratulations!
Step 8: Russian Guards
Now, from the vault of strange news. Good news, bad news job report. In Kamchatka, Russia I can report that there are now two openings for guards at a Platinum mine. The bad news: the two previous guards were devoured by a pack of 30 hungry bears. So, if any of you apply for this job please bring with you a fully packed picnic basket. We can't afford to lose even one of you, even if you are in Kamchatka.
Thank you, now until next time. May the power of the cosmos be with you. Yes, yes, yes! And I've got to pick up all those bills before someone grabs them.
